Indignity Vol. 1, No. 42: Black Friday Gift Guide: Get a piece of the Rocky.

Slice Through the Clutter of the Holiday Giving Season With a Little Something From the Personal Collection of Sylvester Stallone

INDIGNITY HAS BEEN notified via electronic mail that the auction event “Property from the Life And Career of Sylvester Stallone" is occurring just in time to launch the gift-purchasing—and holiday gift guide–writing—season.

The exclusive auction event presenting the extraordinary collection of the international superstar and the Golden Globe Award-winning and Academy Award-nominated actor, screenwriter, fitness icon, author, artist and director’s most cherished treasures from his singular life and career, taking place on Sunday, December 5th at Julien’s Auctions in Beverly Hills and live online at juliensauctions.com.

Worried about your carefully chosen holiday presents languishing on a container ship somewhere? We invite you to consider these select Supply Chain–resistant items, up for bid from the world of Sylvester Stallone!

Perhaps the most intimate item on the block, here’s the mouth guard of beloved silver screen pugilist Rocky Balboa, carried in the oral cavity of Hollywood Hero Sylvester Stallone all the way to Academy Award honors! Is there someone you love who’ll never stop fighting? Give it to them so they can try it on and taste the glory!

Now THAT’S a knife! The First Blood John Rambo knife! The iconic do-it-all survival weapon that helped a lone man take down a whole troop of cops! There can only be one! Knife!

Oh wait, good news! More knives! That certainly is a lot of knives!

Perhaps the entire distance between First Blood and Last Blood can be expressed in terms of how many more knives the latter demanded. All we know is, at this point we stopped looking for knife and knife-type items. Many knives!

Nobody likes “stolen valor,” but the fictional valor of John Rambo may be purchased as an inspirational gift to anyone with military fantasy aspirations!

The major motion picture Cop Land (1997) was a comeback of sorts for Mr. Stallone, portraying schlumpy suburban sheriff Freddy Heflin, confronting corruption and danger in New Jersey. Also starring Robert De Niro. If you have a serious Halloween costume-lover in your family, this would make for a great present, a two-part (spoiler alert) outfit!

A fun Hollywood fact is that the disguise worn by the murderous golem in the Halloween films is in fact based on a mask of renowned demi-astronaut William Shatner. Perhaps this John Rambo mask will inspire a new era of stabby flicks?

The perfect gift for the family fitness enthusiast! We have a dim memory of one (or maybe all) of the Rocky movies depicting sledgehammer strength training as part of the Italian Stallion’s fitness regimens, maybe banging on some old tires?

A John Rambo “Gut Wound” sculpture, a grisly objet d’art to be sure, but the perfect gift for someone!?!

You thought you could only bid on ONE Sylvester Stallone sledgehammer, but there’s good news: it’s still hammer time!

Take any item, put SYLVESTER STALLONE in front, and it’s an instant delight! Here, try it:

That was fun! Hey, a gun and an arm, a fire-arm!

The Julien’s firm is so thorough in their auctioning that they are auctioning off parts of the auction itself!

We wish you good luck should you care to bid. Everyone is a winner at the Sylvester Stallone auction, its mere existence has been a gift to Indignity!

THOUGHT DEP’T.

Do you have a thought? Send it to indignity@indignity.net, or you could tweet it and include @Read_Indignity to get our attention.

VISUAL CONSCIOUSNESS DEP’T.

Leftover Halloween Skulls at the Craft Store

More consciousness on Instagram.

SANDWICH RECIPE DEP’T.

IN THE SPIRIT of the recent gustatory holiday, we present a reprise selection of recipes for sandwiches found in The Up-To-Date Sandwich Book: 400 Ways to Make a Sandwich, by Eva Greene Fuller, 1909, now in the public domain for the delectation of all.

TURKEY CLUB SANDWICH
Toast three thin slices of white bread and butter, on the lower slice lay cold white breast of turkey; cover with another slice of toast; on that lay a thin slice of hot broiled ham; cover with another slice of buttered toast and press together. Serve on a lettuce leaf. Garnish with small pickles.

TURKEY SANDWICH
Between thin slices of lightly buttered white or brown bread, place thin slices of turkey breast; spread a little cranberry jelly over this and sprinkle with finely chopped celery.

HOT TURKEY SANDWICH
Between thin slices of lightly buttered toast, places slices of warm turkey breast; over same pour a hot gravy made of slightly thickened turkey stock. Garnish with a pickle.

If you decide to prepare and enjoy a sandwich, kindly send a picture to us at indignity@indignity.net.