INDIGNITY VOL. 3, NO. 107: Mosquitoes HATE the Thermacell.

MR. WRONG: Nature Is Hungry and We Are the Food

CAREFUL READERS MAY recall that earlier this week on the pixels of Indignity, the Editor of Indignity explained that I was on a “rustic holiday getaway,” and I totally am! Yes, I am luxuriating in the Rusticness of the scenic Schroon Lake, New York, area, and filing this week’s installment of the Mr. Wrong column from my Rustic accommodations/Adirondack HQ hard by the majestic Schroon River, where there are deer and bears and beaver and geese and turtles and bullfrogs and chipmunks and eagles and red-winged blackbirds and bats and lightning bugs and a bunch of creatures that make weird noises at night and I don’t know what the fuck they are but the cabin isn’t all the way Rustic, there’s locks on the doors, so I feel safe, although I don’t know why I think a locked door makes any difference to some mutant Adirondack creature that wants to eat me, or at least whatever’s in the trash can. Also: Mosquitoes!

There’s always mosquitos! There’s lotsa kitschy tourist merch featuring mosquitos and it’s always like “Official Bird of Schroon Lake” or “Send More Tourists,” &c. Since I am enjoying a Rustic Getaway, I have been sort of out of the loop, Newswise, but I learned the other day from the Indignity Morning Podcast that there’s people getting Malaria in Florida and Texas, on account of G_d punishing some of the folks in the populations of those states for being reactionary dipshits. Just kidding, it’s Global Warming, hiyo! Punishment for all!

Anyway, that makes me even more skeeved out by mosquitoes, especially here on my Rustic idyll, near a river and a marsh where mosquitoes abound, and because humans here in the Adirondacks, we are the food! It’s bad enough you have to look out for ticks and the Lyme Disease, now when a mosquito muckles onto you, you’re not just gonna get an itchy bump, it might be transmitting a dose of Malaria! Tropical flavor for my Rustic Getaway!

We have a nice firepit here by the river, and I know there’s Wildfires in Canada, and even here, in my Rustic redoubt, the Air Quality Index is not good, but it’s still nice to have a refreshing adult beverage in front of a little fire at night, and if you’re outside (which is a good place to have a fire in the summer), the mosquitos are ready to join you.

We brought Tiki-type torches (I know, more smoke) with the stuff that’s supposed to repel mosquitos (doesn’t seem like it), and we got the Backwoods OFF! (seems to work if you cover each and every square inch of yourself with the bug spray or wipings from the personal-sized wipes), but I also bought one of these high-tech mosquito repellers, the Thermacell.

I don’t get anything from Thermacell for typing THERMACELL into my column, so this is an Unsolicited Testimonial; this thing really works. It even worked out by the grill where I was preparing ribs (excellent, by the way) by burning charcoals (more smoke), which apparently attracts mosquitoes, but the Thermacell thing kept them at bay. It’s got a tiny little gas cartridge that has a teensy little thing you click to ignite it, and then the gas goes up through a little puck infused with the Repellant, and it wafts around and keeps mosquitos away in a pretty decent zone, which, in the case of my Rustic Holiday, includes the firepit and seating around it. Maybe it’s all the stuff; the smoky fire, the torches, the OFF!, and the Thermacell, but anyway, so far nobody got Malaria, this year.

ENDLESS SELF-PROMOTION NEVER TAKES A VACATION DEP’T.: I urge you to visit SHOPULA to purchase the HMM WEEKLY MINI-ZINE, Subject: GAME SHOW. It is my account of the Total Experience of my Journey Into Television, expanded from the original published account found here, and features other viewpoints related to my teevee wyrd’s stop at the game show Who Wants to Be A Millionaire. Your $20 plus shipping and tax helps fund The Brick House collective, a Publishing Concern featuring a globally diverse set of publishers who do their own thing, who also have interesting items and publications on offer, and again, this all goes to help the Brick House collective be an independent thing and not depend on Advertisers or a Billionaire who wants to wrestle another Billionaire. Thank you.

WEATHER REVIEWS

New York City, June 28, 2023

★★★ Contrails stretched across a blue sky. The air smelled fresh. Cumulus clouds were out in a range of shapes and sizes. Little breezes feinted this way and that in the afternoon, while the sun came down directly, hot and dazzling. A scooter lay by the curb, at the end of a garbage trail, stripped to its frame. A cascade of soapy-feeling water came splashing down onto the Broadway sidewalk from a high-floor terrace or balcony, as someone displaced their mess onto passersby. The night was close and humid, and it was hard to hear the movie on computer speakers over the roar of the air conditioner.

EASY LISTENING DEP’T.

INDIGNITY MORNING PODCAST

Indignity Morning Podcast No. 98: Water breaks.

Tom Scocca • Jun 29, 2023

Listen now (4 min) | The Indignity Morning Podcast is also available via the Apple and Spotify platforms.

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SANDWICH RECIPES DEP’T.

WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS for the assembly of select sandwiches from Nine Hundred Successful Recipes, by Lulu Thompson Silvernail, Domestic Science Teacher for The Southwestern Milling Company, Inc. Published in 1923, this book is in the Public Domain and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.

MARSHMALLOW PECAN SANDWICHES.
1/2 cup pecans
20 marshmallows

Chop pecans as fine as possible. Cut marshmallows and place in double boiler to melt. When soft add nuts and spread on thin slices of Boston brown bread, which is better baked in round loaves.

NIPPY SANDWICHES.
1/2 cup grated cream cheese
2 hard cooked eggs
2 tablespoons grated horseradish
Juice of 1 lemon
Dash of salt
2 tablespoons cream

Mix all ingredients together and spread between buttered graham bread slices.

NIFTY SANDWICHES.
1/4 pound cream cheese
3 pimentos
3 tender stalks of celery
1/3 cup nut meats
Salt and pepper
Mayonnaise dressing

Place the cheese, pimentos, celery and nut meats in a chopping bowl and chop all as fine as they can be chopped. Add the salt and pepper to suit taste. Last place in enough mayonnaise dressing to make it of thick, moist consistency. After all ingredients are combined, stir well and then spread on thin slices of rye or white bread. A lettuce leaf may also be used between the slices.

If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, kindly send a picture to us at indignity@indignity.net.

MARKETING DEP'T.

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