MR WRONG: A field goal is three points on one kick

Indignity Vol. 4, No. 84

MR WRONG: A field goal is three points on one kick
Detail of Renaissance painting by Jerónimo Cosida depicting the Christian Trinity. —Wikipedia


MR WRONG: Proverbs 11:11

A MAN WHO earns a very nice living by kicking a football, professionally, made a graduation commencement address (which, it’s not too late, I am still available for speaking engagements) and said the women in the audience, the college graduates he was speaking to, mostly want to be homemakers, and that is one of the best vocations, and his wife does that (and he choked up a little reflecting on how that helped him in his life), and he said that Gay Pride is a deadly sin, and he said a buncha other stuff, but, you know, the speech is out there, you can watch it, he said enough, basically, right? Got it. Gotcha.

Dude was making a speech at a Catholic college, so there were mostly folks in the room who supported the speech, and there’s many in The United States of America who agree with the stuff this guy, Harrison Butker, from the Super Bowl blah blah Kansas City Chiefs was talking, so he knows his audience, and I’m sure he will get to make many more speeches like this, and since he wouldn’t be able to run for Pope or whatever, he will totally run for President some day, or better yet, Vice President, and now there is a reaction from the citizens of The United States of America about football guy and his speech, and some people want the football team to kick (no pun, no Alanis Morissette intended) this guy off the team. Free country! Free to be you and me, free to say get this guy off the football team you support, free to listen to this guy, free to say this guy is fulla crap, free to say Jesus is guiding your football.

I don’t care what this guy says, I believe that this is supposed to be a free country to say things in, and to say things back, right on, and it’s an even free-er country to not listen to stuff, and if you believe there is a Heavenly Father, and a Triple Deity who will raise your dead body from the grave so you can live in Paradise, and you believe you have an immortal soul that will—OK, wait, I gotta back up and look at the Triple Deity thing for a sec. 

A Jesus-looking figure in with three faces, in the back, some baby-angel heads on either side, Cropped to show words PATER, FILIVS, DEVS, with bridges between those words labelled NON EST and EST
Renaissance painting by Jerónimo Cosida depicting the Christian Trinity, as a three faced head, accompanied by a Shield of the Trinity diagram. —Wikipedia

I was raised in the Catholic Church and Catholic School and stuff (it didn’t work), and they didn’t do the Latin Mass when I was a kid, but I always liked hearing somebody go all Latin with In nómine Patris, et Fílii, et Spíritus Sancti

OK, so Patris, Fílii, and Spíritus Sancti means, father, son, and holy spirit. Three. Wikipedia teaches us:

Nicene Christians profess "one God in three divine persons" (God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Ghost). This is not to be understood as a belief in (or worship of) three Gods, nor as a belief that there are three subjectively-perceived "aspects" in one God, both of which the Catholic Church condemns as heresy. The Catholic Church also rejects the notions that God is "composed" of its three persons and that "God" is a genus containing the three persons.

A really good [SPOILER ALERT] example of Patris, Fílii, and Spíritus Sancti is in the major motion picture The Godfather, when Michael Corleone, portrayed by Al Pacino, is attending the baptism of his baby nephew, who, incidentally, was played by the baby Sofia Coppola, the director’s daughter, who grew up to be a famous director.

I think I would check out a mass every once in awhile if they were spittin’ Latin, seriously, Church is a trip, very entertaining, and if you get a good one with lotsa sculptures and stuff yeah, you know, most of the early Christians were illiterate, so they learned the prayers by repetition, and they learned about the Saints by looking at paintings and sculptures, and like, it’s early in the morning, there’s all this light filtering through the big stained glass windows clerestory windows, the priest is doing the droney/singsong Latin jam, there’s incense, and candles...  

Patris, Fílii, and Spíritus Sancti continues to baffle me. Three. Then, not to be confused with the Triple Deity, you got tripartism, which breaks people up into body, spirit, and soul, which is, it’s like, spirit and soul? To me, that’s like me and my brain, which has already been covered in this space, I solved that shit, One, baby.

But look, dig it, seriously, the Gnostic texts! Trimorphic Protennoia!

The c. fourth-century Gnostic text "Trimorphic Protennoia" presents a threefold discourse of the three forms of Divine Thought: the Father, the Son, and the Mother (Sophia).[35] Micheus, Michar, and Mnesinous, the three heavenly spirits of baptism, also appear in various Sethian Gnostic texts. —Wikipedia
This version is a figure with a whip, a shield, and snakes for legs
Abraxas Stone or Gem from The Gnostics and their remains by Charles W. King, 1887. The letters are "ΙΑΩ" or "Iao" and "ΣΕΜΕΣ ΕΙΛΑΜ", "Eternal Sun". —Wikipedia
In Gnosticism, Sophia is a feminine figure, analogous to the human soul but also simultaneously one of the feminine aspects of God. Gnostics held that she was the syzygy, or female twin, of Jesus, i.e. the Bride of Christ, and the Holy Spirit of the Trinity. —Wikipedia

Abraxas Stone or Gem from The Gnostics and their remains by Charles W. King, 1887. The letters are "ΙΑΩ" or "Iao" and "ΣΕΜΕΣ ΕΙΛΑΜ", "Eternal Sun". —Wikipedia

This version is a figure with a whip, a shield, and snakes for legs

Sophia! Does spelling count? Sofia Coppola got baptized to be Michael Francis Rizzi. God is their own son and Sophia is their mother. One! Also, dude said he was quoting Taylor Swift, good luck, football-head.

The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly wherever it can appear. No refunds. Write Wrong:

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CLICK ON THIS box to enjoy today's Indignity Morning Podcast:

Indignity Morning Podcast No. 275: Every day’s a new day.
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WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of a sandwich selected from Mrs. Ericsson Hammond's Salad Appetizer Cook Book, by Maria Matilda Ericsson Hammond. Published in 1924, and now in the Public Domain and available at for the delectation of all.

Caviar en Artichauts & la Russe
For Six Persons

Six artichoke bottoms. Six slices of bread. One small cup of fresh caviar. A teaspoon of anchovy paste. Three tablespoons of butter. Cayenne pepper.

How to Make It. Cut out the bread with a round biscuit cutter. Mix part of the butter with the anchovy paste. Spread it on the bread. The rest of the butter stir to a cream. Put it in a paper bag that holds a small fancy tube. Decorate around the edge of each sandwich with the butter. Put on each sandwich one of the artichoke bottoms. They should all be of even size, and if not sufficiently hollow, scoop them out a trifle. Fill with the caviar about a teaspoon and a half in each. Decorate on the top with some of the stirred butter through a fancy tube. Arrange on a paper doily in form of a ring. Garnish with parsley. Leave in the ice-box until ready to serve..

If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to 

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Supplies are really and truly running low of the second printing of 19 FOLK TALES, still available for gift-giving and personal perusal! Sit in the gathering heat with a breezy collection of stories, each of which is concise enough to read before the sun gets high.

HMM WEEKLY MINI-ZINE, Subject: GAME SHOW, Joe MacLeod’s account of his Total Experience of a Journey Into Television, expanded from the original published account found here at Hmm DailyThe special MINI ZINE features other viewpoints related to an appearance on, at, and inside the teevee game show Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, available for purchase at SHOPULA.

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