MR WRONG: Check, thank you!
Indignity Vol. 6, No. 42
DO THIS FIRST DEP'T.
Tom Scocca
The next chapter of The Stairs appears here at Indignity tomorrow (Friday), so now is the time to get caught up on THE STAIRS, Tom Scocca's serialized work of fiction!
COLUMN DEP’T.
MR WRONG: A Little Settlement Money Sure Elevates My Mood
I USED TO get annoyed when people I didn’t even know would say “Have a nice day,” or “Have a good day,” or “Have a good one,” because I was sure it was just some empty insincere perfunctory crapola, but even if some of it is, I am way more gratitude-oriented anymore, I don’t go looking for stuff to piss me off, there’s already so much of it in this Economy, you know?
Now, when I am at the grocery store, or the pizza place, or whatever, and a human being tells me to have a good day, my response is, “Thank you, I’ll do my best, same to you!” Totally exclamation point! Because I mean that shit!
I don’t know most of you, the Gentle Readers of the Mr. Wrong column, but I hope you’re having a good something! It doesn’t have to be Ice Cube–level, or even the remix, but as cliche as it fucking sounds, we are all in this together, even the assholes who want to prepare their escape pod and move to New Zealand so they can live in a bunker, because that’s the kinda day they wanna have, a “Fuck you, I got mine” kinda day, bah!
Why can’t we talk about nice things? Here’s mine, I prevailed in a lawsuit! I received Eight Dollars and Sixty-Four Cents ($8.64), from the Entertainment Partners $9.5M Data Breach Settlement, and I know that’s not a lotta money, but it would pay for a drink or two at Happy Hour, or it would be a substantial downpayment on a pizza, or at least maybe some extra toppings! This isn’t the first time I have prevailed in a lawsuit, but this is one of those times where I got some money added to my stack, as opposed to some shit that was owed to me, just saying.
As your personal Legal and Financial advisor, I’m telling you, if you ever get one of these odd little notices by U.S. Mail, and it says CLASS ACTION and stuff, you know, or DATA BREACH, and generally looks like junk, take a good look and if there is the option, add your name to the aggrieved parties or whatever, and a couple two-three years later you might get a little extra splash in your pot! I got one for a Facebook thing, and a Red Bull thing where there was some sorta damage to me as a Consumer, and I got some wacky little checks in the mail, not so much the amounts as much as the actual size of the checks! They were comically small, like half the size of a normal envelope, with a teeny-weeny li’l check that you had to separate from the perforation. I bet whoever’s squeezing the Bad People for damages is counting every bean, you know? “What’s the smallest possible size we can use to print a coupla million checks? We need to maximize our ROI or whatever!”
Also, though, I’m not gonna get mad that a buncha lawyers made a pile of money on this, I mean, they did the work and spanked the Corporation on behalf of me. I was not about to get Legal on Red Bull for whatever they did to me, or I guess I should say mighta did, on account of these things always seem to include a non-admission of any Guilt and stuff, that’s fine, The System Works, har!
Anyway, so I am Having a Good Day, a Nice Day, even, and it started with a little extra stash in my slide, dig? I didn’t even know about my reward as a party to this mighty blow struck for Justice. The dough just showed up in my bank account, so I looked it up and found some info at this web site Claim Depot dot com.
The lawsuit was filed due to a cybersecurity attack on June 30, 2023, which compromised personal information. The settlement was reached to resolve claims that Entertainment Partners failed to protect this information adequately.
The settlement class is defined as all individuals who received a notice of the data breach from Entertainment Partners around July 31, 2023. If you received such a notice, you are considered a class member.
When I cashed a nice check from a game show, the name on it was Entertainment Partners, and I was an extra on VEEP, and House of Cards, on Home Box, although you’d never know because I didn’t make it into the frame, and I was an extra (along with my car, which got me paid more than I did for being me) on an episode of this show called Swagger, and I am technically visible in that one, for like a hundredth of a second, but I worked a full day, that’s show biz, right?
Anyway, Entertainment Partners wrote a lot of those checks, so they had my digits. If I lived in California, I woulda got another $250 on top of my $8.64, dang, California is kinda the place that invented “Have A Nice Day,” eh?
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, May 10, 2026
★★ The sun outperformed the forecast, shining brightly on a morning that was supposed to be partly sunny at best. It was true that even the open sky was filmed with white, but it was blue enough to set off the clouds that moved below it. The light was good for reading in, and so was the air. A smell of something cooking—sausages?—came by distinct but not too heavy. The 14-year-old reported that a brief sprinkle had fallen from a clear zenith while he was shooting baskets. That, along with the darkening of the afternoon, was all the predicted showers mustered, until the rain disappeared from the forecast altogether. Shortly after that, the sound of a shower came pelting down out of the night.
New York City, May 11, 2026
★★ The slats of the armchair's frame made crisscrossing shadows beneath it, as the light outside was so diffuse that each part of the bay window served as a directional source. The clouds were solid but so high an airplane flew neatly well below them. By the time breakfast was off the table, the sky was entirely blue out the front windows and the last edge of the cloud sheet was sliding off the sun out back. More clouds came, though, and the day turned dark and cold enough to call for narrowing or shutting the windows and putting on a hoodie indoors. Just past the end of the long dim workday, however, low-angled sun was suddenly bouncing off the floor, and the evening sky was a blameless blue. A raccoon stalked across the steps inside the Park, disregarding a briskly approaching human and the slowly departing light alike. Every brighter blade of grass or lamp fragment downhill through the trees seemed to the corners of the eyes as if it ought to be a firefly. The robins poured out evensong from the dark of the trees or answered it with short chirps. The air smelled of flowers and earth.
New York City, May 12, 2026
★★★★ The honeylocust leaves fluttered in sun and shade, deep green nearby and yellow-green across the avenue. The light was a cartload of silver chimes dumped from the heavens. The door of the e-bike shop was open and the clatter of tools or parts on the hard floor carried out of the dimness. Light and shadow cut back and forth on the sidewalk. A tiny oak, finger-thick and chest-high at best, spread its parasol-sized canopy in a sidewalk box where it had been guyed upright. Spotlit trees in rooftop planters floated on the deep indigo of night, and above them stood the stars.
VISUAL CONSCIOUSNESS DEP'T.
Pizza
More consciousness at Instagram.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
Here is the Indignity Morning Podcast archive!
TOM SCOCCA
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS for the assembly of a sandwich selected from Conservation Recipes, compiled by The Mobilized Women's Organizations of Berkeley, California, published in 1918 and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
NUT AND DATE SANDWICHES
1 cup walnut meats.
1 cup stoned dates.
Cream or mayonnaise.
Bread.
Mix dates with finely chopped walnut meats and moisten with a little cream or mayonnaise. Spread thin slices of any kind of bread, and press together.
D. E. Wetmore.
PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES
Peanut butter.
Milk.
Bread.
Put a small amount of peanut butter into a bowl and add to it, a few drops at a time, a few teaspoonfuls of hot milk, beating until it is the consistency of thick cream. Then spread between thin slices of bread.
Mrs. R. H. Wetmore.
ONION SANDWICHES
2 onions.
Bread.
Vinegar.
Butter.
Slice onions very fine. Soak a few minutes in equal parts of vinegar and water, with a little salt. Drain and spread between slices of buttered bread. Sliced tomatoes and cucumbers may be used in sandwiches in the same way.
Miss Charlotte Kett.
If you are inspired to prepare a sandwich inspired by our continued offerings, be sure to send along a description of your experience and a photo or three to us here: indignity@indignity.net.
SELF-SERVING SELF-PROMOTION DEP'T.
