MR WRONG: If the shoe fits
Indignity Vol. 6, No. 22
BEFORE WE BEGIN DEP'T.
Tom Scocca
The next chapter drops tomorrow, which means now's the time to take a trip down THE STAIRS, Tom Scocca's serialized work of fiction!
COLUMN DEP’T.
MR WRONG: I Fear the Federal Government's Floppy Footwear
THE MR. WRONG column tries to keep it light, you know, General Interest. We labor, mightily, even, to stay away from the harsh realm of Current Events surrounding and suffocating us, but look, I can’t be expected to ignore this latest creepo-weirdo stuff going on in the Halls of Power. Anyway, a lot of people already have this opinion in general, but today’s Mr. Wrong column is a failure, and for that we apologize, and remind you: NO REFUNDS.
OK! Have you seen this bit with the President of the United States of America, who, one would assume right at this moment, is busy prosecuting a war—or at least, for the sake of argument a very war-shaped thing—in Iran, of all places, which was discussed last week right here in the Mr. Wrong column, for fuck’s sake, and also busy sending violent, (allegedly)-murderous goons around to harass and disappear people right here in these United States, this guy is focused on buying ill-fitting shoes for his subordinates, and they are wearing them, and this footwear is being photographed and goofed on all over my Internet.
The people who are working for Dear Leader received some shoes, some black Florsheims, as Presidential gifts or something? I don’t wanna know how this got started, but look, I used to be a shoe clerk, and the Florsheim, it’s an OK shoe, it’s very “normcore,” I guess, it’s a shoe, it’s nothing fancy, it’s not any kind of a statement of anything except: these are shoes. The fuckin’ freaks who work at the White House are wearing them I guess because it’d be maybe rude to not wear a “gift” from the boss.
They got faked-out images of this Marco Rubio, a supposedly important person in Government, sitting inside shoes the size of F1 racecars, but I like this one from the fashion guy (who happens to be named Guy) on Bluesky, because I can’t tell if it’s real or fake, and I refuse to learn. It looks like a New York Times photo, it’s got nice color and mood, and it’s candid-looking, and dude looks like a nine-year old wearing an adult’s shoes, and it’s funny, right? Wikipedia teaches us about this clown Marco Rubio:
On January 21, 2025, Vice President JD Vance swore Rubio into office as the 72nd secretary of state. During his tenure as secretary of state, Rubio has served in an acting capacity as national security advisor, the administrator of USAID and archivist of the United States.
And Marco Rubio is 100 percent a clown, OK, and not just for presiding over the destruction of one of the most important forces of “soft power” on the planet, the USAID. How fucking much of a dope is this Rubio—who even ran for the office of President of this very Country—getting caught in a big-ass prank shoe, swimming around with daylight behind his heels, Jesus Christ, what is gonna happen if they don’t wear the shoes? Or at least, what the hell is going on with these people who are running the country, putting their hands on the levers of society and industry and whatever, in a supposedly Democratic Nation, and they are involved in a shoe thing?
At least maybe put on two pairs of socks, are you on drugs? I heard there’s lotsa prescription drugs available at the White House. Can’t this boob just buy some fucking substitute Florsheims on the Internet, ones the size of his actual feet, are you afraid somebody in the office is gonna dime you out to The First Bonespur?
He’s being clowned by his boss! Because his boss is an insecure bully who beat him out for the job of POTUS and wants to always keep him down and remind him that he’s totally fucking Owned, and he is double-clown because he wears shoes that are too big for his dipshit feet. Clown shoes!
All seriousness aside, this stuff is total Brutal Dictatorship! Vulgar display of power! Out of all the horrible stuff going on in this Economy, one weird trick has got me and my brain reeling, with this Banality, of Evil.
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
Here is the Indignity Morning Podcast archive!
TOM SCOCCA
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS for the assembly of sandwiches selected from Child's Recipes for Cooking and Preparing, by Childs Company, published in 1913 and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
MINCED HAM.
Butter 2 pieces of bread; spread one piece with 3/4 ounce of ham moistened with milk, lay other piece on top. Trim edges of sandwich and wrap in wax paper.
MINCED HAM AND OLIVE.
1 lb. minced ham
20 olives (chopped)
2 oz. melted butter
4 tablespoonfuls hot water
1 dash of pepper
Chop olives and mix with the ham; then add butter, hot water, and pepper. After trimming the hard crust from two slices of bread spread with butter, ham, and olives. Cut sandwich diagonally across and wrap in wax paper.
This filling will be enough for 39 sandwiches.
If you are inspired to prepare a sandwich inspired by these offerings, be sure to send your thoughts and a picture to indignity@indignity.net.
SELF-SERVING SELF-PROMOTION DEP'T.
