MR WRONG: Spring fever
Indignity Vol. 5, No. 88
COLUMN DEP’T.
MR WRONG: I Think I'm Allergic to Being Sick
I AM SICK. As in: ill. I don’t feel good. However, I am here, in here, on here, in this space, the Wrongspace™, typing up the next Mr. Wrong column! For the Gentle Reader! Even though I am as sick as a sick dog that is sick; Always Be Columning!
I have complained previously about the insidious and naturally-occuring Pollen ruining my Springtime days, and with regard to my current ailment, at first I thought that’s what it was, the tiny and microscopically deadly pollen particles, invading my very being! I have been taking this Miracle Product called ZYRTEC®, which I swear to my Lord and Savior Ahura Mazda, Lord of Wisdom, and God of the Sky, I have totally written about and praised before, but either way, there’s some serious Brain Fog up in here today, so I am going to self-stipulate that I have discussed Pollen at length, and the wondrous Cetirizine, which was recently Doing Business As: ZYRTEC® in my bloodstream, but as always, wherever I congratulate a product on the pixels of Indignity, I remind you that we do not get anything for our sore-throated and enthusiastic endorsements of products, we depend entirely on the support of the readers of Indignity!
Here’s a recap on the active ingredient in my beloved ZYRTEC®:
Cetirizine is a second-generation antihistamine used to treat allergic rhinitis (hay fever), dermatitis, and urticaria (hives). It is taken by mouth. Effects generally begin within thirty minutes and last for about a day. The degree of benefit is similar to other antihistamines such as diphenhydramine, which is a first-generation antihistamine.
So the first day I thought it was allergies, and I ate a Zyrtec and drank lotsa water and tried not to breathe as much as possible, and about two days later I thought I was getting better, and I was conserving my energy, takin’ ’er easy, and the morning after I thought I was over the allergy hump, ACK! I woke up with two golf balls where my tonsils usually are, and I am not gonna go into detail here, but, well, I gotta relate a detail, the stuff running out of my sinuses wasn’t clear any more, it was a disturbing shade of yellow, and I had zero energy, so I took a coupla Covid tests and they came up Negative, and here I am, enduring whatever decided to come in and live in my head after the pollen attacked me, typing my column with Kleenexes stuck in my nose-holes because I have to tilt my head down to look at the keys when I type this shit. My brain is fog!
Kind of a good thing about being sick, though, is I don’t worry about what I eat, I just eat whatever I want, because I am just letting my Human Body take the wheel, and yesterday it directed me to eat some scrambled eggs cooked in about a half a stick of butter, an entire thing of wonton soup, provided by my loving and keep-the-fuck-away-from-me-I-don’t-want-what-you got wife, and half a thing of hot & sour soup (see previous item), which I believe is very therapeutic to the linings of one’s sinus cavities, some real Homeopathic Medicine, right? Today I had two giant cups of iced coffee, black, and a bowl of yogurt with frozen blueberries in it, and I grabbed a piece of dark chocolate outta the fridge and grated it, with a cheese grater, on top of my yogurt and bloobs. Dark chocolate has nutritious stuff in it! Also I ate a bowl of CHEETOS®, the healthy ones, that aren’t orange.
Furthermore, I have been very careful to relax, while willing my vital qi energy to overcome this Pestilence that I am experiencing, and a big part of Essential Relaxation is Television, another Miracle of Medical Science, my teevee!
I got to sit on my ass yesterday on the couch and watch all of the final installments of the Star Wars ANDOR show before anybody could spoiler that shit on me! I forgot Alan Tudyk was the robot, they should get some sorta prize, seriously. That's not a spoiler.
Then I watched the Star Wars Rogue One movie, and I watched the Knicks play basketball. Two outta three of those things were great! I’m gonna go lie down now. Thank you.
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, May 14, 2025
★ People trudged or hurried along under hoods or umbrellas. The rain pattered through the morning, then stopped in time for a trip to ther grocery. The space between rain-blobs on the animated map in the weather map translated into a few gaps of blue in the actual sky and a glimmer of light and shadow that made the choice to have put on sunscreen seem like more than empty ritual. Back outside the store more umbrellas were up as a little prefatory band of drizzle was passing. Late in the day, the off-and-on rain came suddenly and loudly all the way on again into a furiously clattering downpour, sending a blur of overlapping splashes floating above the roadway.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
HERE IS TODAY'S Indignity Morning Podcast!
Tom Scocca
Click on this box to find the Indignity Morning Podcast archive.
TOM SCOCCA
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of a sandwich selected from Practical Cookery; A Compilation of Principles of Cookery and Recipes and The Etiquette and Service of the Table, by the Department of Food Economics and Nutrition, Kansas State Agricultural College, published in 1921, and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
PEANUT SANDWICHES
Shell and finely grind peanuts. Mix with salt and salad dressing. Spread between thin slices of buttered bread.
RAISIN SANDWICHES
1 c raisins
1/4 c sugar
1/2 c English walnuts
Chop the raisins and stew until soft; add the sugar and cook until the juice is well thickened. Add the chopped nuts and mix well. Spread between thin slices of buttered bread, either brown or white.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net.
