MR WRONG: That's the way it is.
Indignity Vol. 6, No. 4
COLUMN DEP’T.
MR WRONG: The News Is Bad but Also the News the News Is on Is Bad
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, what a year eh? Are you having a good year? They’re out there, the goons, gassing babies and shooting people in the face. They are shooting people with tear gas guns right in the face and blinding them, for good. They're shooting people with live ammo, in the head, in the neck. Killing people, it’s all right there in the news, right, the Mainstream Media?
I stopped watching the CBS Evening News, that’s the official name of the program. CBS used to be referred to as “The Tiffany Network” because they were kinda classy, they were a reliable source of News, OK?
They let John Dickerson go, from the CBS Evening News. Dude was a straight arrow, a reporter. Sat down with President of the United States Donald Trump once, and POTUS got mad at a question and quit the interview like a big baby. Not very Presidential! Dickerson was co-anchoring, I guess that’s the term, when there’s two talking heads? Anchoring? Anyway, that was messed up, you got these two straight-ahead news presenters, Dickerson and Maurice DuBois, who are used to reading the news solo, and they had them side-by-side at a desk and they had to sorta interact with each other, almost like they were being set up to fail. Either one of them would have been fine by themself, it was a bad decision, and then everything changed when a buncha weirdos took over and changed the CBS Evening News to some sorta cheerleader show for this Economy.
They got this fuckin’ haircut in there now, John something, Tom? I gotta look it up. OK, according to Wikipedia, it’s Tony, which is like, I was almost half right, if you take letters from Tom and John you almost get Tony. Tony, right. Tony Haircut, that’s the host now, what a fucking lightweight, oy vey. He was on the shouty CBS Mornings show, which is like the overly-lit and extremely chipper and lightweight shows on ABC and NBC that kick CBS’s ass on the regular. I don’t want perky-happy in the morning, I just want some goddamn News, not starfuckery and cooking segments! I apologize for turning this into a Media column today, but I’m not happy with anything this year, so why should you be, right? Argh!
I gave CBS Evening News a shot, but Tony lost me when they did this end-of-program segment where Tony was all rah-rah about Marco Rubio for having lots of job duties in the current Administration, listing all of Marco’s titles and then winding up with some blather like “We salute you, Florida Man.” Are you fucking kidding me? Are they giving him an awards dinner and a goddamn trophy? Where is some News?
A real News woulda been like “Marco Rubio, he sure has a lotta jobs, or is it just that he has a lotta job titles? Does he actually do any of these jobs effectively? Here are some reported facts from a reporter.” That’s some News! Not: “Oh boy, Marco Rubio, he sure has a buncha jobs, sa-lute! Good night folks!” Holy fucking shit! That was on the fucking CBS Evening News!
My own News would have been like: “Marco Rubio, he sure has a lotta job titles, or does he just have all these titles so that POTUS won’t be confused by too many people at the Cabinet meeting? Here is an interview with a sleep expert to tell us when POTUS is in Naptime mode at the meetings or just ‘resting his eyes.’”
Anyway, now I’m watching the PBS News Hour and the BBC now, but the news is still bad. Thank you and good night!
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
Here is the Indignity Morning Podcast archive!
TOM SCOCCA
SANDWICHES CORRESPONDENCE DEP'T.
Subject: Egg sandwich from Indignity Vol. 5, No. 192
I made this sandwich and took a picture a few days ago… it was pretty good! The olive oil gave it a bit of a weird taste but I might get used to it if I ate it a few more times. More importantly, it didn’t glue the sandwich together as well as mayonnaise does, so you have to stick to kind of a thin layer. The recipe didn’t specify what type of seasonings to use, so I went with salt, pepper, paprika, and celery salt as appropriate for the intended audience. I had some whole grain and seed bread that I figured was close enough to graham bread, and I also added a little lettuce.
—Laura
Did one of our sandwich recipes inspire? Send correspondence and images to indignity@indignity.net.
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS for the assembly of a sandwich selected from Cassell's New Dictionary of Cookery, published in 1912 by Cassell and Company, London, New York, Toronto, and Melbourne, and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
SANDWICHES, SUPERIOR (for suppers and luncheons).
Cut the flesh of cooked fowl, game, or shellfish, into neat pieces. Lay these upon thin slices of toast, and cover them with suitable sauce made very thick so as to adhere. Mayonnaise sauce may be used for poultry and fish, and salmi sauce is suitable for game. Garnish the surface of the sandwiches with white of egg chopped small, finely-shredded tarragon leaves, and minced pickle or truffle. Dish the sandwiches in a circle, pile small salad or lettuces finely shredded in the centre, and place a border of clear aspic jelly cut into dice round the dish. Or mince cold game finely, and stir the mince into a little stiff salmi sauce. Minced mushroom, truffle, or tongue may be added if liked. Set the preparation upon ice, and when it is stiff put a layer between two slices of buttered bread. Serve in the usual way.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net .
SELF-SERVING SELF-PROMOTION DEP'T.
