Phantom tollbooth
Indignity Vol. 5, No. 98
ANDY ROONEY 2.0
Avis Keeps Sending Me Bogus Bills for Congestion Pricing
I GOT AN envelope in the mail the other day that said INVOICE ENCLOSED in big letters. The return address in the upper window was Avis Rent A Car \ ATS Processing Services, LLC. Peeping out above my name in the lower window were the words "Amount and Administrative fee."
When I opened the letter, the full text of that section said "Notice of NYC Congestion Charge Amount and Administrative fee." A box up in the top right had a bottom line that read "Balance Due: $10.95 USD." The bottom of the sheet was a cutaway payment slip, addressed to a P.O. box in St. Louis, Missouri. Down there, too, it read "AMOUNT DUE: $10.95 USD."
Despite all that, this was not a bill. In much smaller type, awkwardly center-justified, the letter declared:
You recently rented a vehicle from Avis Rent A Car. During the term of your rental agreement, a Congestion Charge was issued by Tolls By Mail Cbdtp relating to the rental car in your possession at that time. The associated congestion fee was paid on your behalf to protect Avis Rent A Car from incurring late fees, penalties and potential vehicle seizure. Specific information about the congestion Charge is provided below and can be viewed at AVISRENTALFINE.COM.
On April 20, the letter explained, I had rented a car at 9:29 a.m. At 10:20 a.m., I had incurred a congestion charge.
Behind the menacing language—"in your possession at that time...potential vehicle seizure"—was the extremely routine Avis rental-car toll process: I drive the car through toll zones, the toll authorities charge the tolls to Avis, and Avis adds the tolls to my bill, along with various predatory convenience fees.
But Avis was going out of its way to make it sound as if I had done something wrong and I was being billed for it. The letter assigned the toll an "Incident Number" and it declared "you are responsible for all charges, penalties, and fees related to Congestion Charge incurred during your rental." It continued:
Avis Rent A Car \ ATS Processing Services, LLC is requesting that you reimburse us for the congestion amount we paid on your behalf, and also the administrative fee authorized in the Rental Agreement. If you take no action, the credit card you used to pay for your rental...will be charged for the congestion amount and administrative fee.
That is, the toll was being paid. Like usual. After I'd passed through the Manhattan congestion zone, I drove on the New Jersey Turnpike. Avis did not, however, mail me a fake invoice admonishing me that I was "responsible" for the turnpike tolls. It just added them onto the rental charges.
Everyone is always lying to you or trying to rip you off or both. Along with the bogus Avis bill in the recent mail I also got a bill from a doctor whose name it took me a second to recognize, because they were billing me for a procedure I'd gotten in 2022. It wasn't a notice of some three-years-overdue bill, just a newly issued invoice for some parts of the procedure they'd apparently decided to charge me for, even though the whole thing was covered by insurance, and also, again, it had been done in 2022.
I called the doctor's office to ask what was going on and they had me read them the contact information off the bill to confirm that the bill was genuine; it was genuine, they said, but they didn't have any idea why I'd been sent it. It had come from the lab, so I had to call the lab instead.
While I was typing this I got an incoming text message claiming to be a "Maryland State Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) Final Notice: Enforcement," writing under the authority of "New Maryland State Administrative Code 15C-16.003" to demand payment for "an outstanding traffic ticket," with penalties for noncompliance ranging up to "You may be prosecuted and your credit score will be affected."
As a native Marylander, I know perfectly well that the state's department that deals with motor vehicles is called the Motor Vehicle Administration, or MVA, not the "DMV," but also I know that I don't have any outstanding tickets anywhere, and beyond that I know that text messages claiming to be about traffic ticket enforcement are scams. I've gotten lots of them by now.
And I've gotten three of the Avis letters since New York finally, belatedly launched its congestion pricing. My best guess is that it's supposed to be propaganda against the congestion tolls, to make me feel like the congestion-pricing program is treating me like a criminal, so that I support the various efforts by lying and hypocritical politicians—The governor of New Jersey! Is complaining! About drivers! Being charged money! To drive!—to undo the system. Also presumably Avis is trying to sneak in that $1.95 administrative fee, outside the normal daily service fee for tolls, although then Avis turns around and wastes some of that money on paper and envelopes and postage.
Too bad! The congestion-pricing program treats me like a king. All three times I've driven into the zone in my rental cars, I've been rewarded with a swift, wide-open trip to the Lincoln Tunnel, on a route where I used to get mired in intolerable traffic. Time really is money, and money is time, and therefore I need to send Avis a bill for sending me a phony bill.
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, June 1, 2025
★★★ People were out in autumnal jackets in the first daylight hours of June. The clouds were big and sturdy enough to have gray middles to go with their brilliant white edges. The blue between them took on a milky cast. When the sun finally found an opening, the people who'd gone ahead and wore shorts were briefly in the right, but only briefly. The afternoon turned grayer, though still not entirely so. Chipmunks shot this way and that in vectors along the ground in the Park. The top of the hill was dense with picnics and parties, the retreat of the sun notwithstanding. A child pushed a giant inflatable football end over end along the lawn. Near the foot of the hill someone was smoking a grade of weed that had gone on past skunk to smell like shit. The sun, still high in the sky with hours to go, tried to hammer through a weak spot in the clouds. A while later it succeeded, and by sunset the zenith was bluish under its flush of pink.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
HERE IS TODAY'S Indignity Morning Podcast!
Tom Scocca
Click on this box to find the Indignity Morning Podcast archive.
TOM SCOCCA
ADVICE DEP'T.
HEY! DO YOU like advice columns? They don't happen unless you send in some letters! Surely you have something you want to justify to yourself, or to the world at large. Now is the perfect time to share it with everyone else through The Sophist , the columnist who is not here to correct you, but to tell you why you're right. Direct your questions to The Sophist, at indignity@indignity.net , and get the answers you want.
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of sandwiches selected from The new Annie Dennis Cook Book , by Annie E. Dennis, published in 1921, and now available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
Neufchatel Sandwiches
Mash one neufchatel cheese with half tablespoonful of soft butter, one tablespoonful of sherry wine, two tablespoonfuls of English or black walnuts, finely chopped; season with salt and cayenne pepper, and spread between butter thins.
Pepper Sandwiches
Slice bread thin, butter before cutting, spread with mayonnaise dressing, then place a slice of red pimento, then the mayonnaise, then another slice of red pimento, then the mayonnaise, then another slice of buttered bread; press firmly. Serve on lettuce leaves or place a lettuce leaf and a thin slice of crisp bacon between the pepper and bread.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net .
SELF-SERVING SELF-PROMOTION DEP'T.
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