FOOD FRIDAY: Made with real cheese
Indignity Vol. 5, No. 163
FOOD FRIDAY
Cheez-It Pizza
THE MAKERS OF the Stranger Things gimmick pizza are now also selling a Cheez-It gimmick pizza, and it was three dollars off, and it's pizza, sold!
The pizza box features the "Made with 100% REAL CHEESE" mark from the Cheez-It cracker box, a claim sounds a little less impressive when applied to a pizza. The back copy says the crust is made with the flavor of Original Cheez-Its, which are the flavor of cheese, which would make it a double derivative of the original object, like happened in the mortgage crisis.
I cooked the pizza in the toaster oven because the instructions, sometimes they admonish against it, but this box did not specifically say DO NOT COOK IN TOASTER OVEN, your results may vary!
I put it right on the rack, with the idea it might yield a crispy crust like a Cheez-It, but I was unsuccessful. It's possible maybe I shoulda cooked it longer, but I was hungry.
While it was baking, the household consensus was "it smells like a goddamn Cheez-It." The cracker-y (again, I didn't get it to be crispy) crust def visually resembles a Cheez-It, but any Cheez-It similarity in the taste is not apparent. It might be on account of the cheese and sauce, which were nice, the cheese is real and abundant, and the sauce is oily and tangy. I think this would be a fun pizza to get for kids, for a different experience in the Cheez-It-verse. I will buy it again (if it's on sale) because I wanna try to get the crust crispy, but overall, it ain't bad, a comforting late-night munch for sure.
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, September 11, 2025
★★★★ Cirrus clouds twisted their various ways. The chill and the damp were both emphatically gone, leaving air smoothly cool as a fresh bedsheet. The walk to get a cup of coffee ended up in an extra loop around the block in the sunshine. Inland sea oats, unnoticeable before now, hung their seed heads out over the wall of the Park. The pink-purple fruit stems of pokeweed hung nearly stripped of their dark purple berries. A flock of geese marched slowly away from where a bride posed for photos by the edge of the green-surfaced water.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
HERE IS TODAY'S Indignity Morning Podcast!
Tom Scocca
Here is the Indignity Morning Podcast archive!
TOM SCOCCA
ADVICE DEP'T.
HEY! DO YOU like advice columns? They don't happen unless you send in some letters! Surely you have something you want to justify to yourself, or to the world at large. Now is the perfect time to share it with everyone else through The Sophist, the columnist who is not here to correct you, but to tell you why you're right. Direct your questions to The Sophist, at indignity@indignity.net, and get the answers you want.
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of sandwiches selected from Benson Woman's Club Cook Book, collected and compiled by Benson Woman's Club, published in 1915 and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
ENGLISH WALNUT SANDWICHES.
Chop fine 1 cup of English walnut meats and add enough cream cheese to make a moist paste. Add salt and a dash of cayenne pepper, and spread on thin slices of bread which have been lightly buttered. The slices of bread may be round or any fancy shape desired.
—Mrs. J. V. Starrett.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net .
SELF-SERVING SELF-PROMOTION DEP'T.
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