Gas and go
Indignity Vol. 5, No. 99
LOST & FOUND DEP'T.
Bandit Bags Baby Bristlecone
Recently Found in America
Invasive golden mussels (on a 65-foot boat at an inspection station at Alpine Meadows, California, before the vessel could enter Lake Tahoe)
A time capsule from 1940 and a time capsule from 1981 (in the cornerstone and under the infield dirt, respectively, of McCoy Stadium in Pawtucket, Rhode Island, in the course of the demolition of the ballpark, the site of the longest professional game in history, during which the younger of the time capsules was buried)
A previously elusive new species of fungus, Periglandula clandestina, that produces LSD-like ergot alkaloids (on the seed coat of a morning glory plant in a laboratory at West Virginia University's Davis College of Agriculture and Natural Resources in Morgantown, West Virginia)
Jaws and a tusk from the remains of a female mastodon (in the mud in an unmapped creek in West Feliciana Parish, Louisiana)
A rabid fox (on a residential street in Wimberley, Texas)
The body of a 52-foot male sperm whale (on the beach between Del Rey Beach State Recreation Site and Sunset Beach, Oregon, where scientists performing a necroscopy found spinal injuries consistent with a fatal boat collision)
A new species of Rickettsia bacterium, potentially capable of causing a spotted fever (in rabbit ticks captured by tick flags in wooded areas in Maine)
Recently Missing in America
A bicycle repair station (from the Hudson Valley Rail Trail where it passes through Highland, New York)
A bristlecone pine tree (from the ground near the front parking lot of the Spiegel Grove arboretum at the Rutherford B. Hayes Presidential Library & Museums in Fremont, Ohio, America's first presidential library, where it was planted in 2021).
A rusted 1950s Tokheim gas pump (from the long-defunct Polly's Place gas station in Breckenridge, Michigan, where it had become a landmark for motorcyclists, leading the Eagles of Redemption Motorcycle Club to offer a reward)
A vintage Triolian resonator guitar, a Gibson Kirk Hammett Greeny, and two Gibson Les Pauls (from the Guitar Center in Boardman Township, Ohio, in a pair of reported robberies a week apart)
Ten and a half pallets of frozen beef valued at $150,000 (from a freezer truck parked overnight in South Philadelphia, while its crew slept in the cab)
Property tax payments totaling $38,886 in cash (from a locked vault in the tax office at borough hall in Cliffside Park, New Jersey)
A bronze statue of an eagle (from a law office in downtown Orlando, Florida)
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, June 2, 2025
★★★★★ The sun was fully shining when the alarm went off. A sandy-colored raccoon strolled along the top of the perimeter wall of the Park, then made its way down over an outside bench, ignoring an apple on the ground, to grab handfuls of spilled pretzel sticks and start gobbling them down. A jogger coming along the sidewalk darted to one side at the sight of it. The clouds were plentiful enough to keep the sun from ever sustaining its heat, and at 2 p.m. the Park was occupied as if it were a weekend. It was time to walk and keep walking. The plume of spray in the Reservoir splashed down silently in the distance across the wide water, drowned out by sirens in the streets to the west and the crunch of cinders underfoot. A flourishing patch of mugword gave off its mugwort smell. Feet found the way to the huge, low-sprawling mulberry, its fruit tight and green and spiky for now. A robin perched on one of the log posts of the rustic railing of the footbridge and called out till the listener turned around. Ducklings paddled in an arm of the Lake; oars growled boomingly against the aluminum hulls as rowboats plied their way close to the Oak Bridge on water already green with algae. The perfume of privet flowers caught the nose before the little blossoms caught the eye. Honeybees and a bumblebee worked away at them.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
HERE IS TODAY'S Indignity Morning Podcast!
Tom Scocca
Click on this box to find the Indignity Morning Podcast archive.
TOM SCOCCA
ADVICE DEP'T.
HEY! DO YOU like advice columns? They don't happen unless you send in some letters! Surely you have something you want to justify to yourself, or to the world at large. Now is the perfect time to share it with everyone else through The Sophist , the columnist who is not here to correct you, but to tell you why you're right. Direct your questions to The Sophist, at indignity@indignity.net , and get the answers you want.
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of sandwiches selected from The new Annie Dennis Cook Book , by Annie E. Dennis, published in 1921, and now available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
Pepper Sandwiches
Slice bread thin, butter before cutting, spread with mayonnaise dressing, then place a slice of red pimento, then the mayonnaise, then another slice of red pimento, then the mayonnaise, then another slice of buttered bread; press firmly. Serve on lettuce leaves or place a lettuce leaf and a thin slice of crisp bacon between the pepper and bread.
Lenten Sandwich
Chop hard boiled eggs fine, with cucumber pickles; add a lobster; add a half teaspoonful of butter, mix all together into a paste; season with salt, cayenne and lemon juice. Slice light bread very thin, spread with the mixture, lay a leaf of crisp lettuce over each slice, cover with another slice of buttered bread, cut the sandwiches in half, and serve on a napkin.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net .
SELF-SERVING SELF-PROMOTION DEP'T.
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