Indignity Vol. 2, No. 96: Purloined Puma


Indignity Vol. 2, No. 96: Purloined Puma

Recently Missing in America

MORE THAN $20,000 worth of campaign donation checks, intended for Rep. Elise Stafanik (from packages in the U.S. Mail found opened and empty in Memphis)

A stuffed cougar named Barbara, a disco ball, copper pipes, and wiring (from Vito's Restaurant and Lounge in Seattle)

Two young giant Galapagos tortoises (from the St. Augustine Alligator Farm in St. Augustine, Florida)

A television, "a 12-gauge shotgun, a .22-caliber pump rifle, a Browning 12-gauge shotgun, a Colt double action pistol, a Polio Pester 32, a 30-30 rifle and a hammerless pistol" (from a house in Jonesboro, Arkansas)

Nine signs for a Christmas tree farm (from roadsides in Rockland Township, Pennsylvania)

A six-month-old French bulldog (from a dwelling in Milwaukee, after an apparent burglary)

An iPhone (in Lewiston, Maine)

Recently Found in America

A potbellied pig named Piggie Stardust (at the scene of a burning “homemade travel trailer” in North Charleston, South Carolina, after being reported stolen from an animal shelter there, after originally having been "found as a stray at a Home Depot")

Two diamonds (by a jeweler in Boca Raton, Florida, leading authorities to identify them part of a batch stolen from Miami in 2017 under the false pretext of being borrowed for a Justin Timberlake music video).

A Kubota utility vehicle (in a lake in Terra Haute, Indiana, after being reported stolen)

A 20-foot piece of the space shuttle Challenger (in the waters off Florida's Space Coast)

A large, concentrated deposit of niobium, zirconium, dysprosium, and other rare earth elements (on Pennington Mountain, in Eagle Lake, Maine)

A live endangered snuffbox mussel and a "freshly dead" endangered rayed bean mussel (in the Olentangy River, in Ohio)

A Tyrannosaurus rex footprint (in Aniakchak National Monument and Preserve, Alaska)


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WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS for the assembly of a select sandwich from the Raleigh Recipe Book, published by the Ladies of Christ Church in 1916, now in the public domain and available at for the delectation of all.


(Good for Sandwiches or as a Salad)

1 lb American cheese, creamed with dressing (mayonnaise)
1 bottle stuffed olives
1 stalk of celery
1 onion chopped
Run through meat chopper

Worcestershire sauce, salt and red pepper to taste.
—Mrs. Claiborn Carr, Durham, N. C.

If you decide to prepare and enjoy a sandwich or sandwiches inspired by these offerings, kindly send a picture to us at

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