MR WRONG

MR WRONG: Hunter gatherer

Indignity Vol. 6, No. 78

The cat donut-bed: A cat bed shaped like a donut with a hole in the side and the cats can go inside and it's supposed to be fun for cats unless it turns out the cats don't give a fuck about the bed/toy you spent good money on and they don't do anything with it and it takes up space in the house and you start to believe the stuff about the cat-bacteria or whatever it is that takes over human brains.

COLUMN DEP’T.

MR WRONG: Coils Belong in Mattresses and Jägermeister Belongs in the Freezer

HERE WE GO, like, I dunno, a “catch as catch can,” potpourri-kinda, low-adventure column this week? I mean, they can’t all be award-winning, just saying, c’mon, here we go!

End title card in empty theater: DIGGER — I took this picture at the end of the movie but it's not a spoiler, like that review in the *New York Times*, oof.

I went and saw the recent Major Motion Picture with Tom Cruise in it, called Digger, and I had an Opinion, so I went and wrote a review of it on the Flaming Hydra website, which I am somehow part of, and if you wanna read it, you are required to financially support Flaming Hydra, on account of it is “paywalled,” so you can go to the link here and you will be confronted with a thing and you have to cough up three bucks a month as the Subscription, and I hope you do, because it is some challenging and independent-thought kinda writing on Flaming Hydra, plus my stuff, har!

Anyway, I think you can read the first coupla paragraphs of it for free, but after that, money talks!

A new mattress with no sheets or anything on it yet — I took this picture right after the guys took the crap-ass Memory Foam mattress out and then brought in the new beautiful inner-springs mattress in and dropped it into it in the bed frame, which I cannot do because I have a terrible and traitorous lower back for lifting stuff.

Also, I complain a lot in this space, but I mos def complain, I think, maybe the most, about my treacherous lower back, spinal-columnwise, and I am happy to say, as I knock on wood, as I knock on an entire forest of woods, of deciduous and conifers, and all of the many hardwoods, I am knock knock knockin’ on Heaven’s door in full and hopeful superstition, as I say I am happy to report that my new mattress, which is a coil mattress, none of that “memory foam" jazz, this is an old-school deal with the individually wrapped coils and stuff, it has done wonders, and miracles, for my lower back issues, woweee, seriously, and no kidding.

Speaking of bedding, we bought this cat bed/toy thing (pictured at the top of today's column), and we have two cats, so you figure the odds are good at least one of them would be into it, and they were both interested in it for exactly one day, and then they fucking ignored it, so this week I gave it to a friend who has a buncha cats and I hope it goes well for them. Maybe it’s like a memory foam situation? I dunno, like, it felt good for a minute, and then you wake up and you can’t move your arm, or in the feline scenario, it’s all legs?

My former day job was all about working in Print Publications, and I am still a big supporter of newspapers, magazines, and periodicals, so whenever I am out in the world and I trip over a magazine rack, I take a picture, and here’s my most recent one, good times.

Another thing I do when I venture outside of my castle onto the mean streets is buy a lottery ticket (my Retirement Plan) or a scratch-off, and I am still alive, playing on an eight dollar donation to Indignity by Gentle Reader and donator/tipper Dave B. I am getting ready to cash this winner in order to re-invest in The Future, hiyo!

The establishment where I usually purchase lottery tickets and/or scratchoffs happens to be a liquor store, and most of the time when I go in, it’s to drop a few bucks on some low-stakes wagering, but since I am a visually oriented person—and I encourage you to check out the Indignity Instagram account, for VISUAL CONSCIOUSNESS:

—I like to eyeball all the products, the various wines and beers, and potent potables, if you will, and my gaze fell upon a product that is new to me, and it is kind of a controversial product, in terms of the visceral and violent reaction some folks have when they see the brand name JÄGERMEISTER, which is, Wikipedia teaches us,

A German spiced digestif liqueur. Developed in 1934 by Wilhelm and Curt Mast, it has an alcohol by volume of 35% (61 degrees proof, or US 70 proof). The recipe of 56 herbs and spices has not changed since its creation, and the drink continues to be sold in a green glass bottle. It is the flagship product of Mast-Jägermeister SE, headquartered in Wolfenbüttel, Germany.

Personally, I love this shit, in the green glass bottle, I could drink a whole thing of it, seriously, but like, I mean, couldn’t even tell you the last time I had any—and not because I don’t remember on account I was intoxicated, for real, because it’s been a long time—and I am saying for the record that I find it to be a delightful and intriguing dram, but it’s gotta be cold. However, apparently, a lotta people disagree with my taste in digestifs, because when I saw this Jäger variant and posted the below image on my social media, it was received with several barf emoji.

On a shelf at the liquor store: JÄGERMEISTER ORANGE between regular Jäger and COINTREAU — What Hath God Wrought

[Ed. note: The regular herbal-licorice brown Jägermeister mixes nicely with orange juice, if you don't mind the resultant color.]

Anyway, I would like to conclude by following up on my plea from last week, go out and get a shot, not a Jäger shot, I mean a Miracle of Modern Science–type shot, a vaccination, against influenza (aka the Flu) and Covid, and they even have shots to fight pneumonia and shingles, which is a terrible malady, but you can defend yourself! Of course, as always, go wash your hands. Thank you.

Oh wait, one more thing! Yesterday it was 85 degrees here in Baltimore, Maryland, so it was the last day I was able to take a dip in the Micro Pool™ before I cover it up for the Dark Days ahead, urgh!

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The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.

WEATHER REVIEWS

A patch of newsprint-gray sky with very faint variations in tone between different areas of the clouds.

New York City, October 11, 2026

★ Yesterday the sun had kept shining through what the weather app said were and would be clouds, but any hope of a full weekend's reprieve was lost in the sound of the scheduled midday showers pelting down already on the morning. The rain sent cold drafts churning through the bedroom window and plastered little golden leaves on the car roofs. The vinyl top of an ancient Mercury gleamed dully with the wet. Water gathered in sheets and pools on the balcony, in the leaves, and on other people's outdoor furniture below. It fell loudly enough for each new burst of splashing to demand attention. The umbrella had to be held up horizontally on the short walk to dinner, both to defend against the driven rain and to protect the umbrella itself from being wrecked by the wind. Late in the meal, it seemed as if the walk back might be peaceful, but when it was time to get ready to leave, waves of new downpour were rolling through the headlights across the intersection, and deep water was running in the gutters.

A patch of more or less azure blue sky with smallish, loosely formed, translucent white clouds scattered across it.

New York City, October 12, 2026

★★ The clouds were sliding by like a sped-up film of clouds, but the dramatic change had failed to carry off the sogginess. Puddles lingered on the balcony floor and parapet. The damp made the breeze feel less active than it really was, even as it knocked leaves to the street with a volley of distinct ticking. Asters floated in pale purple knee-high puffs on near-invisible skinny stems. The green all around the Park was well fading, with the succeeding color only slightly beginning to show. The mellow sound of a silver trumpet carried from the far edge of a clearing.

A patch of cloudless sky in a slightly dusty blue.

New York City, October 13, 2026

★ The light was Chardonnay and the air was clam juice. Not only had the mismatch between October sun and tropic humidity failed to resolve, it had gotten worse, a moist spring day left pointing in the wrong direction. The balcony puddle, two days old, still lay where someone's feet would go if they sat in the outer and better-placed chair. An upstairs air conditioner was dripping onto the stoop. Up above the muggy land, the sun was trying to pick out new color in the treetops. The swollen wooden shutters caught on the swollen sill and their top corner came apart, sending the little slats slumping and clattering out of their sockets.

A patch of sky with agitated-looking dark gray clouds dimpled with bright spots. Some of the spots toward the upper left are hanging open to reveal little spots of deep blue sky behind them.

New York City, October 14, 2026

★★ The sunlight was so far away, off in among the trees, while what was near was dim deep blue. Clouds appeared and then sealed over the gaps between them, and the faint patter of rain joined the chirping of cardinals and the squawking of someone's exotic pet bird. The shower departed again, having done nothing more than renew the dampness; the sun came back and so did the heavy shadows. Down inside the Park things were cool, with a breeze pushing ripples along the water. A big and heavy-looking rat ran from one side of the rustic footbridge to the other and paused, panting, on a rock by the shore. Two little dogs—one whose forebears might have been terriers—crossed its path on their leashes, smelling and noticing nothing. Joggers were out jogging, in their various degrees of avidity and suffering.

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SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.

WE PRESENT SUGGESTIONS for the assembly of sandwiches selected from Handbook of Recipes as Used in the Course in Home Economics in Columbus Public Schools, as arranged by Faith R. Lanman, Director of Home Economics, Columbus, Ohio, published by the author in 1909 and now available at archive.org for the delectation of all.

NOTES ON MAKING SANDWICHES

Bread for sandwiches should be of a close texture and at least twenty-four hours old. It should be cut in thin, even slices and spread so that the edges match when the slices are laid together. If the butter is hard, it should be creamed before using. For dainty sandwiches, remove the crust and, if desired, cut into fancy shapes. Sandwiches may be kept from drying out by wrapping in oiled paper or a clean cloth wrung out of clear water. All sandwiches containing green vegetables should be put together just before serving.

SUGGESTIONS FOR SANDWICH FILLINGS

Sliced or pressed cold meat.
Minced meat with dressing or seasoning.
Bacon with lettuce and dressing.
Lettuce with Mayonnaise.
Lettuce with sliced cucumbers and dressing.
Lettuce with Hard Cooked Eggs and dressing.
Onions with French Dressing.
Thin slices of cheese.
Cream cheese with nuts.
Cream cheese with pimentos or chopped olives.
Chopped nuts with Cooked Salad Dressing.
Peanut butter, with white or brown bread.
Scraped beef, seasoned. (Raw or cooked.)
Sliced pineapple.
Chopped prunes and figs.

If you are inspired to prepare a sandwich inspired by our various offerings, be sure to send along a description of your experience and maybe a few photos to us here: indignity@indignity.net.