MR WRONG: Mailing it in
Indignity Vol. 5, No. 96
COLUMN DEP’T.
MR. WRONG: The Readers Are My Favorite Writers
IT’S BEEN A really long time since I leaned on one of my favorite column-crutches, provided by the Gentle Readers of the Mr. Wrong column: Electronic Mail to the Mr. Wrong column!
Subject: (No Subject)
I fucking love this column! Happy thanksgiving.
—Amy
See? I told you it’s been a long time! Wow, Thanksgiving, we’re halfway there already, yow! Thanks, Amy, and apologies for the slow reply, oof. Also, I always think it’s gonna be super easy to type one of these columns, just do a whole buncha copy/paste, but I had to do Research to figure out what the hell Amy mighta been referencing, and I think it was this one:
JOE MACLEOD
Which is a compendium of Mr. Wrong columns, another classic Column Helper! Thank you again, Amy, for reading and Electronic Mailing to the Mr. Wrong column!
This next one is from Bobby, in Oregon, and I am pretty sure it’s about this episode of the Mr. Wrong column:
JOE MACLEOD
Subject: Dogs & their walkers....
GREAT COLUMN...
I couldn't have said it better myself. Of course if I could I'd be a famous highly renowned substacker like you... and I'm not. LOVE the work. I'm old - it makes me smile.
thanks
bp
Thanks for reading, and thanks for the compliment, Bobby! I’m not a Substacker anymore, we moved Indignity (and its remora-like attachment, the Mr. Wrong column) over to a Publishing platform called Ghost, and they helped us move, and we are way happier here. A lotta times when I recommend something here on Indignity such as Alka-Seltzer or those evil pretzels, ohh...
JOE MACLEOD
I make it abundantly clear that we’re not getting a nickel for our Unsolicited Testimonial, but in this case, I am recommending Ghost, and we, Indignity, absolutely totally will get a taste if anybody starts a newsletter or blog or podcast on Ghost! Ka-ching!
Let’s review:
Number 1: Substack bad
Tom Scocca
No. 2: Ghost good, and you should get in on it, publish on Ghost! We wish you great success, and not just because we (Indignity) are trying to make some extra scratch!
Back to the mail! Here is a letter in response to the Mr. Wrong column that discussed the Polio Vaccine, a modern Miracle of Medical Science!
JOE MACLEOD
Subject: Upper arm scar!
I was born in 1958 ... Boom(er)!
Hey, talking about vaccines and old school scars on your upper arm? Um, that's the smallpox scar post vaccination. I have one!
Cleveland Clinic medical professional
As for polio, there were two vaccines. By shot and then liquid dropper dose over a sugarcube a couple years later. The shot was Salk's. The liquid sugarcube, I received. I remember standing in line outside the school auditorium all excited.
My mother had babies in ’53, ’55 and then me. She once said it was a frightening time to be pregnant.
Anyway ... smallpox scars!
A badge of honor if you ask me. BUT NOBODY ASKS!
I enjoy reading your column. It brings me delight!
—Nancy
Thank you for that info, Nancy, wow, I forgot about the scourge of SMALLPOX, holy crap, can you imagine getting Smallpox?!? In this day and age? It’s insane! Thanks again, Nancy, I am delighted that you’re delighted, you are totally an OK Boomer!
JOE MACLEOD
From Smallpox to Pie, the Mr. Wrong column is here, covering the important issues of our Nation!
Subject: Pie
I applaud you for having birthday pie. My husband would also rather have pie than cake for his birthday. In addition, fruit pie is one of my favorite breakfasts, so I usually save my dessert pie to eat in the morning. Not rhubarb because it is really too sweet, but apple pie is a perfect breakfast.
Happy Birthday!
—Arden
Sent from the Yakima Valley, the fruit bowl of the nation
Thank you for reading and writing, Arden, and because of you, Today I Learned about a nice pie recipe from the Yakima Valley!
Subject: Pie in cake
Dear Mr. Wrong:
I’m delighted to introduce you to the Piecaken, a $99 abomination available via Goldbelly:
They used to sell a similar one at Flying Monkey Bakery in Philadelphia’s Reading Terminal Market at Thanksgiving, but it was just yellow cake with an apple pie baked inside. It looked delicious but it was a bit extra, even by my generous standards of dessert lunacy.
Speaking of lunacy, the deadline is soon for the annual Gingerbread NYC competition:
Best,
Meredith
Thank you for your correspondence Meredith, and $99 ain't a little bit, but doesn’t seem too crazy, that Piecaken looks like a lotta work, I would totally eat that thing!
Finally, here is a nice conjunction/transition from pie, to a question about a meatloaf.
Subject: Pie
Hi, Joe,
My grandson doesn’t like cake. For the past two years he has had his candle on a slice of pie—pizza pie!
What in the world is on top of that meatloaf?
—Jane
You know, Jane, I can 100 percent get behind pizza pie as a birthday pie! Thanks for writing!
I answered Jane directly via Electronic Mail, but for the rest of you, on that meatloaf I made, it’s ketchup!
Thanks, all of you, for reading, and thanks especially, some of you, for writing the Mr. Wrong column! Write any time!
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, May 28, 2025
★★ The younger teen bridled at being advised not to wear new shoes out the door to school, but it was impossible to reconcile the forecast that the showers wouldn't start till 5 with the dark and humid morning, or with the radar blob already over Elizabeth, New Jersey. By late morning, the arrival of the rain had been revised to 33 minutes away, with 40 or 45 minutes' worth of errands to be run. The suggestion of a drizzle turned into sparse rain on the way home, but nothing as bad as the sudden cold gusts might have suggested. The sparse rain was still falling on the walk east across the Park, making individual rings on the surface of the Pool. The path passed from wet pavement in the open to dry pavement under the trees, the leaves holding off the rain as easily as if it had been sunlight. The way around the ball fields was closed for construction but the fence to the was open for the detour straight across them. Pale matted clumps of dry grass lay on top of the turf they'd been trimmed from. The shortcut came out at another torn-up and fenced-off pathway, where other walkers were finding their way past the bent and breached barriers where previous walkers had evidently gone through. Two hours later, on the way west, things had gotten wetter and the rain was ticking more quickly on the hood of the rain jacket, but the biggest trees still had dry patches under them. Wet grass clippings stuck to the yellow rubber of the rain shoes.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
HERE IS TODAY'S Indignity Morning Podcast!
Tom Scocca
Click on this box to find the Indignity Morning Podcast archive.
TOM SCOCCA
ADVICE DEP'T.
HEY! DO YOU like advice columns? They don't happen unless you send in some letters! Surely you have something you want to justify to yourself, or to the world at large. Now is the perfect time to share it with everyone else through The Sophist, the columnist who is not here to correct you, but to tell you why you’re right. Direct your questions to The Sophist, at indignity@indignity.net, and get the answers you want.
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of sandwiches selected from The new Annie Dennis Cook Book, by Annie E. Dennis, published in 1921, and now available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
Pineapple Sandwiches
Spread slices of bread with grated pineapple cheese, lightly mixed with chow-chow sauce, the liquid part of chow-chow pickle.
Egg Sandwiches
Chop hard boiled eggs fine, with cucumber pickles; add pepper and salt and a little mayonnaise. Rub smooth with a silver knife; spread between slices of buttered bread.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net.
SELF-SERVING SELF-PROMOTION DEP'T.
Indignity is presented on Ghost. There is no need to be on a problematic platform!
