MR WRONG: Tanks for nothin'
Indignity Vol. 5, No. 106
COLUMN DEP’T.
MR WRONG: Wouldn't the Army Rather Have a Nice Quiet Birthday at Home?
HOW DID THINGS ever get so far? I don't know.
Wait, I do, I think! A whole buncha U.S Americans voted for a guy who is “good at business” to run the United States of America, which, last time I checked, is not a business, and shouldn’t be run as a business, by a guy whose Business Model is to lean on bankruptcy laws and the vagaries of the income tax system to get over. That’s Business, sure, but it ain’t the way to run a fucking Democracy, or a Democratic Republic, or whatever the hell the government of We The People of the United States of America is. I hadda look it up.
America is considered a republic democracy or, more usually, a democratic republic.
So, like, it’s a Republic, and it’s Democratic, cool.
Furthermore, Wikipedia teaches us:
The U.S. federal government is composed of three distinct branches: legislative, executive, and judicial. Powers of these three branches are defined and vested by the U.S. Constitution, which has been in continuous effect since May 4, 1789. The powers and duties of these branches are further defined by Acts of Congress, including the creation of executive departments and courts subordinate to the U.S. Supreme Court.
So, like, yeah, the whole system of Checks and Balances, like I learned about in school! The System works, right? Right? No one side of the triangle can get too powerful, yeah? Plus, the Military is in there, the muscle, for when shit gets Real, in terms of like, WWII The Big One, and some other legitimate cases of self-defense, plus, quite frankly, some big mistakes, like Vietnam and the second Gulf War with the whole Weapons of Mass Destruction canard, just saying.
This weekend we, as in U.S., are gonna observe the 250th anniversary of the Army. Personally, I am in favor of the Army, and I think a Milestone birthday of the Army should be observed, with respect, and gratitude, because of WWII and stuff, and people who died, so that We The People can live in a Democracy, but this birthday party for the Army? This one is weird, because it’s also the same day as the birthday of the Real Estate guy who got elected, and in my estimation is a draft dodger, from back when The United States of America had a draft, and I think being a draft dodger (bone spurs), or at least, let’s say, an avoider of the draft, is not uncommon for somewhat recent Presidents of The United States of America, namely POTUSes 42 and 43, which, I ain’t gonna lie, ’Nam? No fucking way would I want in on that shitshow, even if I wasn’t somehow thinking about being a POTUS some day, but if I was somebody who looked for a way out of getting into The Shit, military servicewise? I’d like to think I would have enough class to thank The Military for its Service, and not go and straight-up muckle myself onto a whole weirdo King/Commie Dictator/Military Strongman thing where they roll tanks and get the soldiers to march by me on my Reviewing Stand and salute me as Commander in Chief and shit, because I’d like to think I had enough self-awareness, in terms of my avoidance, to sorta go lowkey on myself in terms of how I wouldn’t be fit to shine the boots of anybody marching by and required to salute me, you know? Respect for those who served? Humility?
So! Saturday, June 14, we have this sort of unprecedented Military parade in Our Nation’s Capital, where they are gonna fucking roll tanks on this guy’s request, which, again, is shit they do in Russia and North Korea, and there is a large reaction to this event, which, again, seems like a super Tinpot Dictator/Commie Totalitarian/King kind of event, because of the way our current POTUS is behaving, a guy who has been quoted as saying a lot of shitty things about people who have served and paid the Ultimate Price, to protect people in this country, and it just seems like a bad idea, to have this weird parade, marching the troops into Rome, if you will, and again, it seems very Dictator, or some sorta absolute power kinda thing, and like I said, there’s a lotta people who smell something, so they will be exercising their 1st Amendment rights to remind others that we don’t have royalty in this country, this country was formed in direct resistance to the idea of royalty.
I have no problem with a parade for the Army, but, you know, the Army, they didn’t ask for this parade, did they? All I know is I am going to a baseball game Saturday, and I will feel way less weird about getting caught up in some sorta event on the streets of Baltimore than I would being in the bleachers for Dear Leader’s Birthday.
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, June 11, 2025
★★★★ The air came in smelling like a morning at the shore. A bit of haze faded the blue and scattered the sun into glare, but the temperature was beneficent, the warmth an analgesic balm on stiff knees. The breeze blowing over Broadway was light and cool and only a little smelly. It took more than a half mile of walking for the heat to start raising a sweat. Out at the top of the steep slope down to the Hudson, the glare was multiplied and the breeze was multiplied by some larger number than that. The walk out on the pier toward New Jersey was blurred by silver haze, and the walk back to shore was clear and golden.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
HERE IS TODAY'S Indignity Morning Podcast!
Tom Scocca
Click on this box to find the Indignity Morning Podcast archive.
TOM SCOCCA
ADVICE DEP'T.
HEY! DO YOU like advice columns? They don't happen unless you send in some letters! Surely you have something you want to justify to yourself, or to the world at large. Now is the perfect time to share it with everyone else through The Sophist, the columnist who is not here to correct you, but to tell you why you're right. Direct your questions to The Sophist, at indignity@indignity.net, and get the answers you want.
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of sandwiches selected from The new Annie Dennis Cook Book , by Annie E. Dennis, published in 1921, and now available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
Raisin Sandwiches
One cupful of seeded raisins, one-half cupful of walnuts. Chop raisins and nuts fine and mix with enough mayonnaise dressing to form a paste. Spread between buttered bread.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net .
SELF-SERVING SELF-PROMOTION DEP'T.
Indignity is presented on Ghost. Indignity recommends Ghost for your Modern Publishing needs. Indignity gets a slice if you do this successfully!
