Heads, you lose

Indignity Vol. 6, No. 71

U.S. Mint

NICE TRY DEPT.

They Put the President's Face on the Money and They Didn't Even Do a Good Job of It

INDIGNITY HAS BEEN alerted to the issuance of a new “golden” dollar coin on offer from the U.S. Mint for collectors and sycophants in the whole family. It has someone's face on it.

There's no name attached to the image, so we're wondering if that's so they can say it’s the face of LIBERTY or the GOD in whom we trust or some other imaginary character, to make it seem legal-ish, and not a portrait of a live president, which, it's not only in poor taste but illegal to put one on money?

Also, the somewhat unflattering approximate likeness made us wonder if this was the product of AI crapping out a 3-D relief-modeling routine, but it's apparently not, there's a mark on the obverse, “JFM,” which turns out to be the mark of "Medallic Artist" and Chief Engraver of the U.S. Mint Joseph Menna, who has cultivated an arty look to use on his bio page, for sure.

Lots of Mr. Menna's work is available on the U.S. Mint site, such as this nightmare, the Mount Rushmore National Memorial Quarter, part of the America the Beautiful Quarters set, collect 'em all:

Aieee! They're pecking at a POTUS's eye!

There's some fun work, though. These superhero coins look like maybe this is Chief Engraver Menna's passion:

The mint is getting $400 for the 2.5 ounce Silver Medal Batman. "Add to bag" indeed!

Meanwhile, the Chief Engraver had more struggles with the likeness of another POTUS. Meet “Thomas Jefferson”:

Ouch! Remember this guy from the major motion picture Boogie Nights? The squire of Monticello needs bail money!

Robert Ridgely in *Boogie Nights* (1997)

Also, don't go thinking Joe Biden got left out, here's his official coin of the realm, which is really a medal of the realm, not a coin, because of his whole still-breathing situation:

Amtrak's finest commuter looks like a talk-show host crossed with a ventriloquist's dummy, which of course would pass as a compliment from the current administration.

New Dealer half-a-socialist Franklin Roosevelt comes off looking like the greedy landlord from that Christmas movie they show on TV every year. "Mrraagh, have we no debtor's prisons anymore?"

Lionel Barrymore in *It's a Wonderful Life* (1946)

Or maybe that coin resembles United States Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, the "known unknowns" ghoul who helped Bush 43 run the War on Freedom and set up the concept of the "black sites" extraordinary rendition program around the world that has been so inspiring in this economy.

They're not all clinkers though, we think Menna nailed the Bob Dole medal. Look at the mirthless grin on this brutal career-senator hack, you can peer right into where there's no soul!

Former Secretary of the Treasury Janet Yellen is better work, except maybe for the artist getting carried away with Yellin's collar.

This gives Yellen a look like maybe she fights crime by night? That's the comic book work in Chief Engraver Menna's portfolio showing asserting itself for sure.

Let's get back to Dead Presidents, though; the extremely deceased William Henry Harrison really got mangled, look at this mushed-up mug:

At first we thought the coin reminded us of this guy,

Publicity photo of Walter Matthau in Broadway play, *Fancy Meeting You Again*.

But ultimately, it reminds us of this.

Monkey Jesus, take the wheel!

PLEASE SEND INDIGNITY THE EQUIVALENT OF THESE COINS BUT, YOU KNOW, BETTER-LOOKING

ACCOLADES DEP'T.

HEARTY CONGRATULATIONS TO Dean Ween!

SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.

WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS for the assembly of sandwiches selected from Household Discoveries and Mrs. Curtis's Cookbook: An Encyclopaedia of Practical Recipes and Processes, by Sidney Morse, published by Success Company's Branch Offices in 1908 and now available at archive.org for the delectation of all.

Anchovy-Cheese Sandwich.
1 cottage cheese,
1 teaspoonful anchovy essence,
1 teaspoonful paprika,
2 tablespoonfuls chopped parsley.

To the cheese add anchovy essence, paprika, and parsley. Spread between slices of entire-wheat bread.

Boston Sandwiches.

Slice Boston brown bread thin, butter lightly, and spread with Neufchatel or cottage cheese. Dip crisp lettuce leaves in French dressing, then lay on the brown bread. Press another slice of buttered brown bread on top.

Cheese-and-Olive Sandwiches.

Work a cream cheese until smooth and creamy; add half the quantity of olives finely chopped; moisten with mayonnaise dressing. The mixture may be slightly moistened with cream and seasoned with salt and cayenne. Spread between crackers.

If you are inspired to prepare a sandwich inspired by our continued offerings, be sure to send along a description of your experience and maybe a few photos to us here: indignity@indignity.net.