MR WRONG

MR WRONG: Feel the burn

Indignity Vol. 6, No. 61

Fire danger warnings map found on Wikipedia. My Canada geography is not the best but jeez look at the middle, that's Saskatchewan, where they took that train in actual HELL video, Jesus H. Christ on a flaming Popsicle stick it's almost as if the planet's climate has been altered!

FAIR WARNING DEP'T.

CHAPTER 37 of Tom Scocca's serialized work of fiction appears tomorrow, so right now is a good time to get caught up on THE STAIRS!

A SUBSCRIPTION TO INDIGNITY MAKES A WONDERFUL GIFT

COLUMN DEP’T.

MR WRONG: Stop, Hey, What's That Smell?

DIARRHEA WAS THE topic of last week’s Mr. Wrong column, unfortunately, and there is still nationwide Diarrhea, even in Florida. I am sorry to see, in the current events. At least they figured out where it came from. Urgh!

If you read it, last week, the column, firstly, thank you for reading the Mr. Wrong column, and then, really equal to that first thought, I sincerely still hope that you do not have any diarrhea, and if you did not read the column, don’t read it, you don’t have to, seriously, it was about diarrhea and this right here is a pretty solid recap, so you can skip last week.

I am not mad if you didn’t read last week’s column, hope you don’t think I was going to wish any sort of illness upon you for not reading the Mr. Wrong column. I defend your right to not read anything you want! This is still America, these colors don’t run!

Also, I’m not just squatting here at my computer trying to type the word “diarrhea” a buncha times in order to break my record for typing the word “diarrhea,” in last week’s episode. Diarrhea!

Just in case, though, I mean, if I did type a new Personal Best, diarrhea-word-typingwise, not even trying to, I swear, but lemme check last week’s column real quick, and I'm not trying to get you to read last week's column.

OK, looks like last week we had the word "diarrhea" 10 times, and I am not gonna be a stickler like the Guiness Book of World Records, the 10 times includes two of the British spellings, to wit: “DIARRHOEA,” so I think the record is safe. I mean the column was really about dirty lettuce, on account of said produce is what triggered the explosion of so-called “Explosive” diarrhea.

In full transparency and disclosure, I must announce that the previous Mr. Wrong column record of typing the word diarrhea has been decisively shattered today, with this, the 12th typing of the word diarrhea. Make that 14, including this next one; Diarrhoea (UK), which is the name of my new band.

Alright, I think I got that outta my system! The thing is, last week, as much Explosiveness as there was going on, the real big news for the Mr. Wrong column, writer-wise, was the fucking air! As in the air that almost all life on the planet Earth (still round) needs in order to live! The air itself was not fit to breathe, the fucking AIR in the sky! How wild is that? What the hell?

@solmamakwa
What we are witnessing right now in northern Ontario is devastating. This is near Armstrong, Ontario. When will the Canadian National Railway Company make a statement about this incident?
♬ original sound - Sol Mamakwa

Yeah, right now there’s still some fires going on in Canada, burning zillions of acres of trees, not to mention people’s houses and stuff, and at least four people are dead now because of the fires. I live thousands of kilometres east of the fires, and I went outside on my deck the first night of the reports of toxic air in Chicago and places west of me. The sky looked kinda weird yellow-brown, and it smelled scary-bad, not like a pleasant campfire of wood, it smelled like a house fire, all kindsa dangerous stuff getting incinerated, like plastic, car tires, electrical wires, roof shingles, sofas, rugs, drywall, and, I guess, maybe, possibly, four human beings.

I read stuff about how there’s less snowmelt and more dry trees and more lightning and more forest fires. There’s more lightning!

My Accuweather **AIR QUALITY** for the two days in question, 303: Dangerous, and 231: Very Unhealthy, an improvement!. This is nothing compared to other places **that were like 700** and stuff, Jesus fucking Christ.

So I closed all the windows and doors, and cranked the AC to “filter” the air, but down in my Rumpus Room, where I type the Mr. Wrong column, it still smelled evil. My eyes burned for two days and every time I went outside it smelled like the end of the world, but not yet.

SEND MR WRONG A FEW BUCKS FOR A NEW AIR FILTER FOR THE RUMPUS ROOM

The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.

WEATHER REVIEWS

A churned-up sky of yellow-tinted silver, lit from below, with a few dark scraps of cloud at the bottom left, overlaid on the other cloud.

Taipei, July 19, 2026

★★ Morning had a degree of warmth that performed the role of coolness absent any chance of the real thing. A bird let off a loud warble from the top of a traffic signal post. A pack of scooters broke from their position as a light turned green and a gust threw dry leaves around. The express train tracks ran overlooking gray-beige silty waters, baseball fields with games underway, and a lot with mirror-bright roof tanks waiting to be installed. The mountains behind the expanse of apartment towers grew more schematic with each successive ridge receding deeper into a flattening blue haze. Then the train was cutting in among the folded hills, their slopes drooping with solid foliage in various greens, with here and there a shiny spray of palm leaves among them. Back at Beimen, this time the 4 o'clock clouds laid a nightlike blackness on the immediate neighborhood, while the distant scenery stayed bright. What followed was not the diffident afternoon shower or sprinkle of the previous days but a slashing, hammering rain accompanied by sheet-of-tin thunder. The rain kept pounding down; the thunder and strobing lightning continued; a carpet of water covered the hotel forecourt. The storm faded in stages, rather than blowing away, and sun worked its way in from the west, turning the rain-covered window into a silver beaded curtain. A glow spread through the still-falling rain. A violent gush of water was spraying from a failed drainpipe three or four stories up and splatting on the sidewalk. The sun got up under the wildly rumpled surface of the remaining clouds as little peach and gray bits of cloud hung below. The buildings turned suddenly dark and indistinct while reflected light still gleamed on the elevated roadway running through them.

SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.

WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS for the assembly of sandwiches selected from Cookery: Choice Recipes Collected by the Woman's Club of Palo Alto, published in 1903 and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.

Nasturtium Sandwiches.

For nasturtium sandwiches take one third each of the flowers, the small green leaves and the seed pods and chop them. Spread thin slices of white bread with mayonnaise and cover with this mixture. Roll the slices and place one blossom in the end of each sandwich. Or use whole blossoms and leaves, Or blossoms only.

Date Sandwiches.

One half cup of dates and one half cup of English walnuts chopped fine and mixed with one half cup of cream. Spread whole wheat bread with butter and put mixture between. Cut in rounds and put one half English walnut meat dipped in the white of an egg on the top of each sandwich.

Marguerites.

One cup chopped English walnuts, one cup powdered sugar, whites two eggs. Beat whites, add sugar, stir nuts in slowly, spread thinly on salt wafers, and brown in oven.
—Mary K. Maxwell.

If you are inspired to prepare a sandwich inspired by our continued offerings, be sure to send along a description of your experience and a photo or three to us here: indignity@indignity.net.