INDIGNITY VOL. 3, NO. 64: Patient at the plate.


INDIGNITY VOL. 3, NO. 64: Patient at the plate.

MR. WRONG: Baseball and Pizza Hut Are Both Meant for Sitting Down With.

THIS IS SORT of a non-time of year, and that’s OK, I mean, it’s Springtime, so that’s something, and Baseball Season started, which is fun for me, because I enjoy listening to baseball on the radio, especially AM radio, Amplitude Modulation. There’s something about how they open a microphone up to the space of a baseball field for the commenters to be in front of, aurally, while they describe the game, for me it’s very meditative and relaxing. Baseball is now faster, they have a pitching clock to get the pitchers to speed up the game, and it seems to be working, and it doesn’t make it any less boring, which is what the Little-Brains always say about baseball, because they can’t relax and allow themselves to be a small part of a larger thing.

You can go to a baseball game and just sit there and not cheer or anything, just watch the fucking game being played, and it’s a perfectly acceptable and satisfying Baseball Experience. Also, you can root-root-root for the home team and heckle the opposing team, and make noise and stuff, but you don’t have to, and nobody in a baseball stadium will give you any shit if you’re sitting there just watching the game and not being performative and trying to be part of something. The fundamental Shared Experience of baseball is brain-based, I think, and I am speaking to this as someone who goes to games and relaxes, and also as somebody who will go to a game and sit out in the bleachers and holler at the other team’s center fielder.

Basically though, in baseball spectator-ing, you don’t have to yell and scream and go crazy, like football, urfh! No offense, but the worst way to watch a football game is in person, surrounded by bozos who have been “pre-gaming” and are so loaded they couldn’t find their ass with both hands. RHHAAAAHHH!!!!

Please don’t let me be misunderstood, you wanna go to a live football game, be my guest. Personally, I like watching football from my house where it’s safe. Anyway, if you dig football, fine, enjoy the Draft Process and the trades and such.

Now, though, for me and millions of other Baseball-Americans, it is early Baseball Season, full of hope and anticipation! I am fortunate enough to live in the Major Metropolitan Metropolis of Baltimore, MD, and have already attended several games in person. It’s been a pleasant experience, partially because they are letting us bring in outside food again, which for me helps to soften the blow of $12 cans of beer; always go Import, and the largest possible serving. I have been opting for 22-oz. servings of Corona. Another reason it’s been pleasant is that the team is greatly improved. Some way, somehow this Season, I hope you enjoy some baseball!

For me again personally this is also a time of year when I like to look forward to things that will happen in the Summertime, like more baseball, and going to a lake in the woods and huffing some pine needles, and eating all kinds of food that tastes better in the warm weather, like corn on the cob roasted on a grill, and some ribs, and pretty much everything else cooked on a grill, except maybe soup, or pudding?

Now that somehow I am thinking about food (again), something else I am looking forward to is a relatively new non-summery development from the Pizza Hut. Did you know they have a propaganda-blog called “Hut Life?” I have been watching the commercials for this product, the Pizza Hut Melts, because I watch Streaming Television, and the variety of commercials is limited, so I keep seeing the commercial for the Carrot-syndrome drug, which is not appealing, but also the commercial for this new product, which is just pizza folded onto itself, but still, I wanna eat one!

I wish there were still some sit-down Pizza Huts around my house, though. I know this Melts product is designed for Nu Hut pizza-model, and the delivery/carryout/slice experience, but I have always enjoyed the fake ski lodge-vibe Huts and being in a booth behind a big red pebbly plastic cup full of beverage and one of those weird chopped salads they used to serve. Anyway, it’s a coin toss if I ever eat one of these things, but it’s something to look forward to, you know?


Spring Tulips

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New York City, April 26, 2023

★★★ The balance between clouds and sun was unsettled yet again. With lowered expectations—and jeans and the heavy sweatshirt—it was pleasant enough to be out in. The early afternoon clouds were agreeably blurry; the sunlight filtered but bright enough, for a while. Under heavier clouds, the smell of lilacs flowed up the path home from school. The wreckage of a tree lay behind bike-rack barricades at the foot of a rock face. Starlings poked around in the ground cover. The sidewalk domino table was going despite the overcast sky. At the corner, the cherry tree was down to its last few blossoms. Pollen dust lay on the edges of the black stone threshold. Just as the walk was over, the sun came out again.

Indignity Morning Podcast No. 55: Bottom-up chaos.
Listen now (5 min) | The Indignity Morning Podcast is also available via the Apple and Spotify platforms.

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