MR WRONG: The call of nature
Indignity Vol. 5, No. 115
COLUMN DEP’T.
MR WRONG: I'm Doing Nothing and It Feels Great
THE MR. WRONG column is on Vacation! ARRROOOO!!!! Yeah baby, it’s time for Rest & Relaxo in the chateau, in the Adirondacks, along the banks of the majestic Schroon River, I am chillin’ and grillin’, and fully in the Slow Lane, but of course, the well-established modus operandi of the Mr. Wrong column is Always Be Columning, so I am typing today’s column from my Undisclosed Desk in the forest not-so Primeval! Today’s topic is Vacation! I am Vacation! Arrooo!
There’s lots to do here at the camp. We have kayaks for paddling in the river, we can go swimming, I have been on a coupla long-ass walks, and my favorite activity is sitting in front of the campfire doing fuck-all, or jack shit, if you will, less than zero, zip, nada, nothing!
It has been unseasonably warm in the Adirondacks, it’s almost as if the Global Climate is changing, you know? It got so hot one day we turned on the air conditioner in our Adirondack cabin. I am not a big fan of roughing it, OK? I like running water and a flush toilet and electricity and stuff in my Adirondacks! And don’t come at me about my Carbon Debt on account of I am enjoying air conditioning! I voted for windmills and solar power, it’s not my fault it’s hot!
There is, of course, Nature here in the Adirondacks. There are bears up here and everything. Today I saw several beaver, swimming in the river, and a super-green frog, and a turtle, and a buncha little squirrels, and a giant bird, I think it was a heron or an egret or something really tall with spindly legs and a giant pointy beak that looks like it could fuck you up, and we saw lightning bugs last night, and also there are mosquitos, yow!
My Unsolicited Testimonial for the Thermacell mosquito repeller is a matter of Public Record, and this gizmo continues to provide almost perfect anti-mosquito protection. This week in the Adirondacks, with the 90-plus degree temperatures, I think we had a bumper crop of blood-sucking bringers of Pestilence, and the Thermacell kept them at bay in the Great Outdoors, when I plopped in a real-deal Adirondack chair and sat and stared at the campfire and didn’t think about anything, not a goddamn thing, especially the News. Yuck!
I saw the News, though, because I like to read the newspaper, and they still have them in stores around here, so I buy the Daily News and look at the cover of the other one, the New York Post to see who won the day’s Wood War. IRAN SO FAR AWAY is dumb, and the info is not accurate, but I think it wins because of CANCELLED on the image that evokes a nuclear bomb explosion. I looked for images of the covers on the internet and noticed that there were LATE EDITION–type cover images in place for the election news, and I wonder if they even print those papers, or do they just make the updated image files for posterity?
But, like, that’s it, as far the News goes, while I am on Vacation, see? I know that a whole bunch of News happened, but that’s as far as I go with it, I am vacationing! I don’t try to figure any of it out or get mad at it or anything, and I certainly do not get on any stupid Social Media and have an Opinion on anything, because I am Vacationing! Alls I wanna think about is do we have enough ice to keep the beverages cold, and what are we going to eat?
The victuals have been top-notch, in my opinion. I made ribs, we grilled corn, we enjoyed linguini with homemade tuna fish sauce, also known as, according to the Editor of Indignity, “spaghetti a la cat food,” and we have been snacking on the finest snack foods. Once a year I eat these Chips Ahoy! Cookies, and they are incredibly dry, but they pair really well with beer, just saying.
OK, that’s it, I hope you get some Vacation in your life, I am going back to mine now, it’s time to think about food some more! ARROOO!!!
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, June 25, 2025
★★ The air may have been some tiny increment less hot than the air the day before, but it still felt like cling wrap on the legs. The clouds had bright, sharp edges and finely detailed texture. An asphalt patch around scarified pavement reeked and glistened but felt firm to step on, though stray bits of it crackled under the shoe soles on the sidewalk afterward. The direct sun hurt exposed skin. The question of which necktie would be appropriate for the eighth-grade graduation and dance was mooted in favor of an unencumbered collar. Down in the un–air conditioned auditorium, the only seats left were in the balcony, where the even hotter part of the heat had risen. The lights stayed off, and parents fanned themselves with unreadable programs in the darkness as the children streamed in and out of view. Half-visible orators delivered their remarks under nothing but deep blue stage lights, with tall glowing letters behind them reading "GRAD," and smaller ones reading "2025." Afterward, parents emerged covered in extravagant sweat-blots into an outdoors that suddenly didn't seem so bad after all.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
HERE IS TODAY'S Indignity Morning Podcast!
Tom Scocca
HERE IS THE Indignity Morning Podcast archive!
TOM SCOCCA
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS in aid of the assembly of a sandwich selected from Encyclopedia of Cookery; 1001 Recipes, Menus & Rules for Modern, Scientific and Economic Cookery (Vol. 4), by Eugene Christian and Molly Griswold Christian, published by the Corrective Eating Society in 1920, and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
CREAM CHEESE, DATE, AND NUT SANDWICHES
Spread the bread or cracker with cream cheese, and an equal amount of Beech-Nut Peanut Butter which has been well blended, a layer of thinly sliced date or fig butter, and a dash of grated nuts. Cover another piece with cheese, and press both firmly together.
If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, be sure to send a picture to indignity@indignity.net .
SELF-SERVING SELF-PROMOTION DEP'T.
Indignity is presented on Ghost. Indignity recommends Ghost for your Modern Publishing needs. Indignity gets a slice if you do this successfully!
