MR WRONG: Trophy life
Indignity Vol. 6, No. 52
FIRST THERE'S THIS DEP'T.
Tom Scocca
CHAPTER 32 of Tom Scocca's serialized work of fiction appears tomorrow, which means NOW is the time to get caught up on THE STAIRS!
COLUMN DEP’T.
MR WRONG: The World Is Spinning Like a Basketball and Me and My Knicks Are on Top of It
IT’S A HAPPY time for the Mr. Wrong column, or more specifically, for me, the writer of the Mr. Wrong column, I guess, and so then, by osmosis, it is a happy time here, inside the words of the Mr. Wrong column, because the New York Knicks won the championship of Basketball, the championship of the National Basketball Association (NBA), which, I mean, I don’t want to get all chauvinistic about it, but the U.S. American National Basketball championship might as well be the World championship, of Earth, planetwise, and I hope someday it will be, like, truly global, in a way similar to the World Cup of football/soccer that is happening right now in North America, which means Canada and Mexico and the Estados Unidos.
So like, I am sports-happy right now, and I didn’t even win any money betting! I super-really-bad wanted the New York Knicks to win, and so betting on the team would totally jinx it, and I did not bet. You have to be scientific about this stuff! Cause and effect!
Today there was a victory parade in New York City for and featuring the championship-winning New York Knicks, and I watched it on my computer via the Spectrum News NY 1 app or whatever it is, I think they made it free for people to watch, and it was fun to see some of the old Knicks players and also just a lot of people being happy.
The parade ended with a ceremony where Knicks players were each awarded a “Key to the City,” by the mayor, and I don’t know what those keys will get you, but I think it’s just a nice symbol of appreciation and celebration and like that, and then the Mayor of New York City, for whom I would vote if I lived in NYC or if he ran for something where I could vote for him, made some remarks.
“Over these past weeks, as the Knicks kept winning, our city has come together as one. Neighbors invited neighbors over, strangers high fived one another in the street, subway conductors sang their announcements, and bus drivers danced behind the wheel," Mamdani said. "So often when this city comes together, it is because we are forced to, by a moment of tragedy or adversity. What a gift it is to be brought together by pure, unfiltered joy. For as long as we live, we will remember this feeling of a city together, a city alive, a city overcome by happiness.” —Fox 5 New York
Isn’t that nice? The Mayor of New York City mentioned a lot of details about the Knicks and former players and the history of the team, but he didn’t mention the owner of the team, who I personally think is a jerk-ass, which is wild, to be such an a-hole, because he is ultra-wealthy! Aren’t you happy? Why would you be this way, why not be nice? It’s weird what money can’t buy, I swear, this guy, what a putz. I think I reflected upon this already a coupla weeks ago in this space.
JOE MACLEOD
Anyway, the jerk-o Knicks owner said some stuff, and he said this:
"I'm very proud of our team," said Dolan. "Look, I don't need your vote. I don't need to quote to you about what happened here because if you're a Knicks fan, you know it already. So thank you for supporting our team.
Har! What a shtoonk. “I don’t need your vote,” Yeah. Anyway, he had the President of the United States of America come to one of the championship games, and it basically looked like homeboy took a nap, which it seems like he does all the time at work, and now the Knicks owner says the team is scheduled to go to the White House so that Dear Leader can remind them they won the big game or something, or try and get them to give him their fucking trophy.
I don’t know who-all on the Knicks will be going to the White House, or how many of the invited players will contract a sudden case of the Orange-and-Blue Flu, but I am not gonna be mad at anybody from the New York Knicks (except the owner jerk) for deciding to go the the White House. I kinda think I would want to go to the White House, at least? I mean, fuck that guy, but it’s a visit to the White House? Who knows what will happen?
The MR. WRONG COLUMN is a general-interest column appearing weekly. No refunds. Go Knicks. Write Wrong: wrongcolumn@gmail.com.
WEATHER REVIEWS
New York City, June 14, 2026
★★ A dry breeze came rushing along the edge of the Park, stirring leaves and churning the baking air. Up on the Great Hill people were crowding into the shade wherever it was, with only the intentional sunbathers and some tentative-seeming game-players venturing into the exposed spaces between. A woman slapped handful after handful of water out of the flooded basin of a drinking fountain. "It's a great day to be a Knicks fan and a Puerto Rican," a bicycling man called out, pedaling down Central Park West with a cold drink held aloft and a Monoestrellada worn as a cape flowing behind him. The band of shade on the sidewalk was enough to hold off the sweat for nearly half a mile of walking. Up on 125th Street, a man in blue and orange from his Mitchell & Ness cap to his two-toned Nikes mimed a jump shot as he strolled. A brass ensemble, mostly trombones, played out on the street corner in dress-shirt sleeves in full sun. The upper end of Morningside Park, with its playgrounds and low shrubbery, was hotter than the building-shaded streets had been, and even after the path went on into the shade it took a while for the sun's effects to wear off. Still, it was better to be walking than to have been waiting double-digit minutes underground for a train. A pumping version of "The Itsy-Bitsy Spider" throbbed from an outdoor birthday party with a pink-painted standup scenic backdrop. "Keep it steady," a young child called out, rolling by on a bike, both hands lifted off the handlebars. The clouds thickened enough to mute the difference between sun and shade, but by now that only seemed to spread the heat more evenly around.
New York City, June 15, 2026
★★★★★ The all-night blare of the air conditioner could finally be silenced and the windows thrown open to let in cool, dancing air. The ninth-grader, trying to decide whether to wear shorts or not, opted to go with his baggy jeans while he still could. The clouds were extra white on a blue a few shades deeper than the U.N. flag flying against it from a fire escape. Beside the cathedral, waves of ivy and Virginia creeper were spilling over the wall of benches encircling the Peace Fountain, engulfing the tiny bronze animals around the perimeter. Blinding flares of sun off high windows on the right sent the eyes down and away, right into the blinding flares of sun off the cars parked to the left. There was so much day and still not enough of it; errands prolonged and added together: the bank, but also vegetables and crackers, but why not stop and backtrack for a sack of bagels too? Why not get to the post office, too? On after sundown, the dark shapes of two people gazing from a rooftop became a single proprietary form. The treetops swayed and susurrated, their tops still slightly green where they reached up into the afterglow. The deepening blue of the sky took on its own faint glassy tint of green. Vega slowly rose clear of the moving branches, in the time it took for compass and internet, on a memory-strained phone, to confirm that Vega it was.
New York City, June 16, 2026
★★★★★ Again the morning was clean and fine. The iron chair in the sun on the balcony had gotten hot, but the air stayed truly cool. The light sliced over the view like a length of broken plate glass. Radiant heat bounced off the pavement but the dry air let it just keep on going. Tadpoles or minnows hung in the current by the rustic footbridge, facing upstream, twitching themselves forward to hold their positions. Children shouted at the sight of a frog, then one of them pointed out a bluegill to someone setting up with a fishing pole. The blue sky reflected in the gaps of the duckweed in the shade was so bright it looked unwholesome, like oily water under a floating crust.
SANDWICH RECIPES DEP'T.
WE PRESENT INSTRUCTIONS for the assembly of a sandwich selected from Consolidated Library of Modern Cooking and Household Recipes, Vol. IV, by Christine Terhune Herrick, Editor-In-Chief, author of The Little Dinner, The Chafing-Dish Supper, etc., and associate author with Marion Harland of the National Cook Book, with a list of contributors which includes many of the famous chefs and cooking experts of the United States, published in 1905 and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.
Watercress or other Salad Sandwiches
Prepare bread for sandwiches. Take watercress that has been washed and shaken dry. Dip into French salad dressing and put on bread; a little cheese, creamed, or French mustard spread over salad greens makes a palatable addition. Lettuce, nasturtium, and other salad greens may also be prepared in the above manner. The greens may be shredded or chopped, and mayonnaise dressing may be substituted for French dressing.
Nut-and-Fruit Sandwiches
Dates, nuts, figs, raisins, chopped up together or separately, spread between very thin slices of buttered white or Graham bread, and seasoned with a pinch of salt, are found to be very palatable.
Adelaide Sandwiches
Cut up cold chicken and ham in small squares, in the proportion of two-thirds of chicken to one-third of ham. Next place 2 large tablespoonfuls of sauce and 1 of curry paste in a stewpan, and when they boil add the chicken and ham, mixing all well together. Prepare thin slices of stale bread, cut in small circles, by frying them in clarified butter. Spread the prepared chicken and ham slightly between two slices of the bread. Place the sandwiches on a baking-cloth; bake for five minutes in a brisk oven, sprinkling over the top of each sandwich a little grated Parmesan. Dish up on a napkin, and serve as a second-course savory dish.
The remains of fish or game may be used in the same way.
If you are inspired to prepare a sandwich inspired by our continued offerings, be sure to send along a description of your experience and a photo or three to us here: indignity@indignity.net.
EASY LISTENING DEP'T.
Here is the Indignity Morning Podcast archive!
TOM SCOCCA
SELF-SERVING SELF-PROMOTION DEP'T.
