LOST & FOUND DEP'T.: Tortoise held


LOST & FOUND DEP'T.: Tortoise held
A man with traditional bagpipe clothing playing bagpipes

The Pipes Are Calling (For Help): Recently Missing in America

THREE SETS OF bagpipes (from a car parked in downtown Lafayette, Louisiana)

A mini school bus (from Blondell Avenue in the Bronx)

Bundles of hair valued at $13,000 (from a beauty supply store in Memphis, Tennessee, after two people reportedly tore off the front door by chaining it to a Cadillac SUV)

A set of lug nuts (from a Dodge Ram 3500 pickup truck in a farmer's field in Brookings County, South Dakota, causing the truck's wheel to fall off)

Fireworks valued at $25 (from a Sky King Fireworks store in Morrisville, Pennsylvania)

Ninety-nine bananas valued at $38 (from a store on North Main Street in Roswell, New Mexico)

Pokémon cards valued at "at least $25,000" and assorted video games, consoles, and controllers (from a game store in Columbus, Ohio, after security cameras recorded two burglars breaking through the ceiling, one of them falling face-first into a display rack)

Recently Found in America

Sulcata Tortoise. Photo: MontezumaSulcata via Wikipedia.

A tin-and-copper fire bell made in 1909 (somewhere in the vicinity of Pleasantville, New Jersey, with a piece missing, after disappearing from outside the Pleasantville Fire Department while waiting to be installed in a new display stand)

A taco truck (in the East Oakland neighborhood of Oakland, California, after being stolen while parked on the street overnight)

“Landscape of Italian Character,” an 18th century painting by Johann Franz Nepomuk Lauterer (in Chicago, after disappearing from the Bavarian State Painting Collections in Munich during World War II)

A street sweeper truck (in Ocala, Florida, after what police described as a high-speed chase, following its reported theft in Sumter County)

A 60-pound sulcata tortoise (on State Road 20 in Interlachen, Florida, three and a half years after disappearing from Hawthorn, Florida, five miles away)

Sulcata Tortoise. Photo: John5199 via Wikipedia.

A Sig Sauer police patrol rifle (along Route 7 in Arlington, Vermont, after the reported theft of a Vermont State Police cruiser that had been left with its window down and a key inside)

A 17th century bronze Japanese Buddha weighing 250 pounds, valued at $1.5 million ("in the bed of a truck with no license plate" in Los Angeles, after being taken from a gallery in Beverly Hills)


WE PRESENT SUGGESTIONS for sandwiches from Cook Book Consisting of 450 Recipes, by The Woman's Association of the Church of the Evangel, Congregational (Brooklyn, N.Y.), published in 1911. This book is in the Public Domain and available at archive.org for the delectation of all.

"Variety is the spice of life which gives all its flavor."

Remove seeds and chop pepper fine, simmer for 10 minutes in a tablespoonful of butter; add salt and cool.

Chopped dates seasoned with lemon peel and clove or cinnamon.

Corned beef cut thin and spread with mustard.

Tongue cut in slices and spread with mustard.

Grated horseradish spread on buttered bread.

Cream cheese made into a paste with cream.

Cream cheese, cream and chopped nuts.

Prunes chopped with half the quantity of English walnuts; season with lemon juice and powdered sugar.

Minced tongue, hard-boiled egg and mustard.

Sardines made into paste with lemon juice.

Shrimps, picked fine, seasoned with lemon juice.

Minced hard-boiled eggs, one sardine to every three, seasoned with lemon.

Watercress chopped fine, salt and pepper.

Minced hard-boiled eggs mixed with grated cheese, seasoned with mustard.

Finely cut celery mixed with mayonnaise.

Cream cheese mixed with chopped olives.

Equal parts minced ham and celery mixed with mayonnaise.

Ham, mixed with chopped pickles and celery. Equal parts of grated Swiss cheese and chopped English walnuts, with mayonnaise.

Olives chopped fine and mixed with mayonnaise.

Peanuts mashed to a paste with mayonnaise.

Lobster meat mixed with mayonnaise.

Canned salmon mixed with hard-boiled eggs, chopped fine.

Figs and nuts chopped fine.

Cold chicken and cold cooked oysters chopped fine.

Cold chicken and one-fourth the quantity of blanched almonds chopped fine, and mixed to a paste with cream.

Cream cheese, lettuce leaves and French dressing.

Hard-boiled eggs, sliced and sprinkled with salt, pepper, and chopped parsley.

Cold roast chicken and finely-cut celery mixed with mayonnaise.

Cream cheese, mixed with mayonnaise, seasoned with Mustard and chopped olives.

Raisins and candied lemon peel chopped and made into a paste with lemon juice.

Pickled lamb's tongue, chopped very fine with capers.

Sour apples and celery minced very fine and mixed with mayonnaise.

Peanuts and figs chopped with lemon juice.

Chopped English walnuts mixed with quince jelly and cream cheese.

Cold chicken and mushrooms, mixed with mayonnaise.

Spanish Sandwich. — Spread buttered slices of graham bread with mustard, then with layers of grated cheese and chopped olives mixed with salad dressing.

Brown bread with cream cheese and chopped olives.

Educator crackers filled with layer of cream cheese, and thin layer jelly, quince preferred.

White bread with mixed pickles chopped fine.

—Miss Mulford.

If you decide to prepare and attempt to enjoy a sandwich inspired by this offering, kindly send a picture to us at indignity@indignity.net.


19 FOLKTALES collects a series of timeless tales of canny animals, foolish people, monsters, magic, ambition, adventure, glory, failure, inexorable death, and ripe fruits and vegetables. Written by Tom Scocca and richly illustrated by Jim Cooke, these fables stand at the crossroads of wisdom and absurdity.

HMM WEEKLY MINI-ZINE, Subject: GAME SHOW, Joe MacLeod’s account of his Total Experience of a Journey Into Television, expanded from the original published account found here at Hmm Daily. The special MINI ZINE features other viewpoints related to an appearance on, at, and inside the teevee game show Who Wants to Be A Millionaire. Your $20 plus shipping and tax helps fund The Brick House collective, a Publishing Concern featuring a globally diverse set of publishers doing their own thing, with interesting items and publications available for purchase at SHOPULA.

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